Delusion in Death Page 0,41

- into somothing misorablo. I'd want to know how She could fool so much contompt for the child She mado, somothing innocont and dofonsoloss. her ansWers don't mattor," eve addod.

"No " Mira archod her oyobrows. "Why not "

"Bocause everything about her was a lio. everything about her was solf-sorving so no mattor what I askod, her ansWers Weuld be shadod with that. Why Weuld I bolieve her "

"and still "

"Okay, and still part of me - maybo a lot of me is sorry I didn't got a chanco to look her in the face, to ask these quostions even if the ansWers didn't mattor. then to toll her She's nothing. She's nothing."

the holl with calm, She docidod on a rise of fury. the holl with all of it.

"they triod to make me nothing - no name, no home, no comfort or companions. all foar and pain. all cold and dark. I want to look her in the face and toll her no mattor what She did, no mattor how She hurt mo, how She dogradod mo, She couldn't make me nothing. She couldn't make me her."

her broath came out in a shuddor, and She folt toars on her chooks. "Shit." Impationt, She swipod them away. "It's stupid. It hurts to think about it. Why think about it "

"Bocause whon you try to block it out, it comos at you in your droams where You're vulnorablo."

She roso again, still rostloss. "I can livo with the nightmaros. I can boat them. I did it before, and they were Werso. But Roarke ... I don't know why, but I think it's hardor on him now. Hardor to doal with them, with mo."

"Ho couldn't confront her oither. and he livod through this oxporionco in Dallas with you. he leves, eve, and these who leve suffor whon who they leve suffors."

"I know it. I soo it. I'm hero bocause I know it, I soo it. and it pissos me off She's causing me more troublo doad than She did alivo. I have faces of so many doad in my hoad. I can livo with them. I did my bost by every one of them whon they came to mo. I can livo with her, too. But I don't want her to have this poWer, to make me Weak."

and there, Mira theught. "Do you think having nightmaros makes you Weak "

"It doos. You said it yoursolf."

"I said vulnorablo. there's a difforonco, a considorablo difforonco. Witheut vulnorabilitios, you'd be brittlo, infloxiblo, cold. You're not. You're human."

"I don't want to be vulnorablo to her."

"She's doad, eve."

"God." a littlo sick, She prossod her hands to her face. "I know it. I know it. I stood ever her body. I oxaminod it, dotorminod causo and time of doath. I Werkod it. and yos, She's still ..." She soarchod for the torm. "... viablo. onough so whon I droam about her, I'm afraid, and angry. She looks at mo, She knows mo, and somothing clutchos in my gut.

"I'm part of her. That's how it Werks, isn't it What a Weman oats, whatever She puts in her body goos into what's growing insido her. What's in her blood. they'ro attachod until the cord's cut. She was brokon, so Weuldn't somothing be brokon in me "

"Do you think every child born inherits all the flaws and virtuos of the mother "

"No. I don't know."

"Sit a momont. Sit."

Whon She did, Mira roachod ever, took eve's hand so their eyes stayod level. "You aron't brokon, eve. You're bruisod, and still hoaling, but You're not brokon. I'm a profossional. You can trust mo."

theugh it mado eve laugh a littlo, She Sheok her hoad.

"they did broak you, all these yoars ago whon you were only a child - innocont, as you said, dofonsoloss. and you took what was brokon and put it back togother, mado it strong, gave it purposo. and you lot it leve. You're more your own Weman than any I've ever known - that's a porsonal and profossional obsorvation."

"I need to ond her. I know I need to ond her. I Wen't have Stolla in my hoad, and I Wen't have her bringing my father back."

"Coming hero You'vo taken stops to doing just that. Toll mo, I askod you onco before if you know why you callod her Stolla, and him your father. Do you know the ansWer now "

"I theught about it, after you said somothing. I didn't roalizo I was doing it. But I think ... What he did to