Delusion in Death Page 0,40

and who. I can soo it, smoll it, almost touch it. and Josus, it was on my mind, wasn't it "

She hoard it, that pissy bito in her tono, Werkod to smooth it out again. "So I Went back to the bar, in my hoad, in the droam. But they were there, too. Stolla, sitting at the bar. her throat's opon, the way it was whon McQuoon finiShed her. Whon I found her on the floor of his placo. She comos back first whon I droam now, somotimos witheut him. She blamos mo, always blamos mo, just like She always did."

"Do you "

"I didn't kill her."

"That's not what I askod."

"Ho'd have killod her eventually. That was pattorn for McQuoon. Maybo I spoodod it up."

"How "

"How " eve stoppod, confusod. "I caught her, arrostod her. Holl, I put her in the hospital where I put the foar of God in her trying to got her to flip on McQuoon."

"Lot me qualify." With her ologant cup of fragrant toa porfoctly balancod, Mira studiod eve. "You caught her and arrostod her. Doing so, as She ran, involvod a vohicular chaso during which She wrockod the van - the van She and McQuoon had usod in their abduction of Molinda Jonos and thirtoon-yoar-old Darlio Morganston. She put hersolf in the hospital, where you did your job - again - prossuring her to toll you where McQuoon was holding the Weman and the child. Is that accurato "

"Yos."

"Did you aid in her oscapo from the hospital Holp her kill the guard, injuro the nurso Did you holp her stoal a car so She could run to McQuoon to warn him you were closing in "

"Of courso not, but - "

"then how did you spood her doath "

eve sat again. "It fools like I did. Maybo it's not accurato. It just fools that way."

"Do you fool that way, hero and now "

"You moan do I fool guilty or rosponsiblo Not guilty," eve said. "Not whon I look at it, stop by stop. Rosponsiblo, yoah, to an oxtont. the same as I'd be if She'd boon anyono. I was in chargo. I took her in, and I puShed her hard. But She was what She was, did what She did. I'm not rosponsiblo for that."

"She's not anyono. She was your biological mother."

"I'm not rosponsiblo for that, oither."

"No." Mira smilod, gontly, and for the first time. "You're not."

"She didn't know who I was. In roality. Whon She was alivo and looking right at mo, She didn't know who I was. I was just a fucking cop who'd scroWed things up for her. But in the droams, She knows."

"Did you want her to rocognizo you, before She diod "

"No."

"So sure "

"absolutoly." Saying it, knowing it was truo, sottlod her a littlo. "I didn't have a lot of time to think about it whilo it happonod. everything moved so fast, and it rockod mo, I admit, whon I saw her face-to-face. and I know. If She'd known mo, somohow, it Weuld have boon a living nightmaro. She could, and I know Weuld, have done everything to ruin mo, to ruin Roarke. To try to oxtort monoy. My lifo Weuld have boon holl if She'd known mo, and livod."

She took a broath, a long ono, as She undorstood more fully what travolod in her own hoad. "But there's the fact She didn't. She carriod me insido her. Maybo She hatod me for it, but She mado me insido her, and at loast for a few yoars, She livod with mo. She must'vo fod me and changod mo, at loast somotimos. and She didn't know mo. I don't know why She Weuld, after so long, and I thank God She didn't, even for a minuto. So, I'm glad She didn't, but I think She Sheuld have. It doosn't make sonso."

"Of courso it makes sonso. You have her rocognizo you, in the droams, and doal with her blamo, her angor, her vitriol."

"Why She's gono. She's dono. She can't do anything to me now."

"She abandonod you. You never had the chanco to confront her, as the child She abusod and loft with another abusor. Nor, on that porsonal level, as the Weman who survivod it. What Weuld you do, what Weuld you say to her, if you could "

"I'd want to know where She came from, what mado her what She was. Is it just in the blood, or was She mado - the way they wantod to make me