but how would he react to the news that she had thrown her original wedding ring into the toilet and flushed it away? He might not understand the sudden twitch of fear that had made her do it—the same fear she saw mirrored on those other newsprint faces, and, to some degree, on Johnny’s own. No, Walt might not understand that at all. After all, throwing your wedding ring into the toilet and then pushing the flush did suggest a certain vulgar symbolism.
“All right,” Walt was saying, “he doesn’t lie. But I just don’t believe ...”
Sarah said softly, “Look at the people behind him, Walt. Look at their faces. They believe.”
Walt gave them a cursory glance. “Sure, the way a kid believes in a magician as long as the trick is ongoing.”
“You think this fellow Dussault was a, what-do-you-call-it, a shill? According to the article, he and Johnny had never met before.”
“That’s the only way the illusion will work, Sarah,” Walt said patiently. “It doesn’t do a magician any good to pull a bunny out of a rabbit hutch, only out of a hat. Either Johnny Smith knew something or he made a terribly good guess based on this guy Dussault’s behavior at the time. But I repeat, I respect him for it. He got a lot of mileage out of it. If it turns him a buck, more power to him.”
In that moment she hated him, loathed him, this good man she had married. There was really nothing so terrible on the reverse side of his goodness, his steadiness, his mild good humor—just the belief, apparently grounded in the bedrock of his soul, that everybody was looking out for number one, each with his or her own little racket. This morning he could call Harrison Fisher a fat old mossback; last night he had been bellowing with laughter at Fisher’s stories about Greg Stillson, the funny mayor of some-town-or-other and who might just be crazy enough to run as an independent in the House race next year.
No, in the world of Walt Hazlett, no one had psychic powers and there were no heroes and the doctrine of we-have-to-change-the-system-from-within was all-powerful. He was a good man, a steady man, he loved her and Denny, but suddenly her soul cried out for Johnny and the five years together of which they had been robbed. Or the lifetime together. A child with darker hair.
“You better get going, babe,” she said quietly. “They’ll have your guy Timmons in stocks and bonds, or whatever they are.”
“Sure.” He smiled at her, the summation done, session adjourned. “Still friends?”
“Still friends.” But he knew where the ring was. He knew.
Walt kissed her, his right hand resting lightly on the back of her neck. He always had the same thing for breakfast, he always kissed her the same way, some day they were going to Washington, and no one was psychic.
Five minutes later he was gone, backing their little red Pinto out onto Pond Street, giving his usual brief toot on the horn, and putting away. She was left alone with Denny, who was in the process of strangling himself while he tried to wiggle under his highchair tray.
“You’re going at that all wrong, Sluggo,” Sarah said, crossing the kitchen and unlatching the tray.
“Blue!” Denny said, disgusted with the whole thing.
Speedy Tomato, their tomcat, sauntered into the kitchen at his usual slow, hipshot juvenile delinquent’s stride, and Denny grabbed him, making little chuckling noises. Speedy laid his ears back and looked resigned.
Sarah smiled a little and cleared the table. Inertia. A body at rest tends to remain at rest, and she was at rest. Never mind Walt’s darker side; she had her own. She had no intention of doing more than sending Johnny a card at Christmas. It was better, safer, that way—because a body in motion tends to keep moving. Her life here was good. She had survived Dan, she had survived Johnny, who had been so unfairly taken from her (but so much in this world was unfair), she had come through her own personal rapids to this smooth water, and here she would stay. This sunshiny kitchen was not a bad place. Best to forget county fairs, Wheels of Fortune, and Johnny Smith’s face.
As she ran water into the sink to do the dishes she turned on the radio and caught the beginning of the news. The first item made her freeze with a just-washed plate in one hand, her eyes looking out over their