feel guilty because your sister killed herself and you couldn't stop her."
"Shut up," he snarled, but Caroline couldn't stop herself.
"You blame yourself," she went on, despite the mounting fury so plain in his features. "You couldn't even stop your father from hurting you."
"Shut up!"
"You hate yourself because you knew what was going on, and you were too afraid to try and stop him."
"Shut up!"
With a guttural growl, Jason slammed his fist into the wall beside her. The wall shuddered under the blow, and so did Caroline. For a stunned second, she stared at him, knowing something had shifted between them in that instant. She saw it on his expression. There was a flash of regret, but also a stubborn determination to keep the wall between them intact. She struggled for something to say, but there was nothing left to say.
Without a word, she hurried as best she could toward her waiting cart, fighting and losing the battle against the tears that welled up in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
Once settled into the cart, she shook out the reins and the horse bolted forward, jarring her, and the baby protested vehemently. A sob tore from her throat as she thought of what had just happened, and for the first time she truly believed Jason might be beyond redemption. She knew he loved her, or she thought so anyway, but just how much was he capable of loving?
The pain Jason had carried in his heart all these years opened to her and she understood. And she also knew that she could not stay and live with a man who would always hold her at arm's length, who would always protect the secret wounds he'd nursed all these years. She could not stay and she would not!
Something had changed between them, something irrevocable. He would never open up to her. He would never love her as she wanted to be loved or allow her to love him as she longed to do.
Rounding a curve in the path, Caroline drew back on the reins, slowing the horse to a walk. She was out of sight of the beneficio, and Jason hadn't come after her. Her body ached from the bouncing, jolting ride she'd just experienced, and she knew she couldn't keep it up all the way back to the house. For the sake of the baby, if not her own, she had to take her time. Besides, there were things to think about, decisions to be made. Whatever else happened, no matter how badly it hurt, she had to get away from this place.
Chapter Seventeen
Caroline watched as the muddy riverbank littered with the corpses of trees moved slowly past. A lone heron searched the shallows for food, while tiny surface fish churned the water in the middle of the river, their silver bodies flickering brightly in the sunlight.
She gasped and ran a hand over her distended stomach. Bracing herself, she waited for the next movement, but the child inside her grew still once again. Smiling into the brilliant sunlight, she remembered the first time she'd felt the fluttering. Then it had been as faint as the butterflies she experienced as a child whenever she rode the train from New Orleans to Memphis with her father. But over the months, the movements had grown stronger, more unsettling.
She knew from her medical training that an active baby in the womb meant a better chance that it would be born healthy, and she prayed that would be the case. She couldn't even contemplate the possibility that the baby she carried so close to her heart might not be perfect.
Something primitive and a bit frightening had taken control of her body. And as disturbing as the idea might be, it was also incredibly thrilling. Changes took place inside her every day, changes in her shape, her appetite, her energy reserves—changes over which she had no control, no choice. And the ultimate change would come when her body, acting on its own volition, expelled this child from her womb and into the world. What a terrifyingly savage thing!
"We'll get through it, you and I," Caroline whispered, caressing her rounded abdomen, pushing the stark fear out of her mind.
Tears threatened her control as the weight of loneliness crashed in upon her. She'd had no one to talk to about her joys and fears, no one but Ines, who had never experienced pregnancy. The other women on the fazenda had given advice and gifts, but for the most part