Parker and if she’s still with that guy whose family owns the bed and breakfast you told me about last Christmas.
Millie: That is exactly what I’m saying! I’m at The Redinger House right now helping out, and you HAVE to come! Jason’s parents went on vacation for the first time ever and left Allie and him in charge. And it’s Allie Redinger now. She got married to Jason over the summer, and OMG I was just stunning in the bridesmaid dress I had Vera Wang whip up for me. I haven’t noticed, but according to Allie, it’s a little busy here right now, but it’s fine. I’ll just cancel someone’s reservation.
Bodhi: What? No! Don’t do that! It’s the week before Christmas!
Millie: Done! I cancelled Mr. and Mrs. Carter Ellis. They sound like hideous people anyway. I’m texting you the address now. Bring the Merry Kushmas with you, and I’ll include a free bottle of champagne and your own personal butler. I’m pretty sure I’m authorized to do that.
Millie: And don’t be scared by the West Virginia address. They actually do have indoor plumbing and electricity! I know. It shocked me too. You will have to bring your own wine sommelier, however.
CHAPTER 3
Bodhi
“Oh deer.”
“Do not ring that Santa bell again!”
“Get that out of your mouth! We do not eat Christmas ornaments.”
“No-no, don’t touch the animated Mrs. Claus! We look at the animated Mrs. Claus; we do not touch it.”
“Sure, I guess it does look like sparkly noodles, but that doesn’t mean tinsel is food.”
“Pine garland is not to be used as a jump rope. Put that down!”
“For fuck’s sake, Bodhi, you are the only other adult in this room with me. Stop encouraging them!”
I finally put the pine garland down when Tess uses her outside voice, and the toddler I was playing with immediately flops down on her butt and starts crying. And like a set of dominoes, once the first one goes down, all the rest tumble after. Ten kids ranging in ages from old enough to crawl to old enough to kick you in the junk all throw themselves to the floor, screaming and crying with big, fat tears falling down their cheeks.
“I’m in hell,” Tess whispers, staring around the foyer of the check-in area for The Redinger House as a motion-activated Santa sitting on the counter drops his red velvet pants and starts shaking his plastic butt cheeks back and forth while “Jingle Bells” plays from a speaker by his feet. At least it’s in perfect harmony with all the crying. “You brought me to hell.”
Walking across the room and gingerly stepping over crying kids to stand behind Tess next to the check-in counter, I rest my hands on her shoulders and start giving her a gentle massage, bolstered by the fact that she doesn’t immediately smack me away or ram her elbow into my crotch. With Tess, a massage can sometimes act as a stun gun, rendering her completely immobile and unable to inflict damage on those around her.
When we first pulled up to the white two-story colonial with black trim nestled in the mountains of West Virginia in a tiny town called Snowfall Mountain, it was modestly decorated with just pine garland and white lights on the porch railings and a festive wreath hanging on the door. Tess actually gave me a smile from the passenger seat before we trudged through the snow and came inside. I figured the nap she took almost the entire day of driving curled up against the passenger door in the car we rented was just what the doctor ordered. And then we walked through the front door of the bed and breakfast, and I’m honestly surprised nothing on my body is currently on fire.
Aside from the explosion of Christmas decorations in the entryway that take up every available surface from garland and lights lining every inch of the ceiling, doorways, and windows to at least fifteen animated Christmas dolls and three fully decorated trees, The Redinger House seems to have been taken over by kids, and we haven’t seen an adult since we got here fifteen minutes ago. I’ve been having a blast playing with everyone and trying to keep them alive until we figure out what’s going on, but my poor Tess looks like she might throw up any second now. That will not do when I specifically brought her here to get away from the Christmas chaos on Summersweet Island, relax, and become more agreeable about spending the