would never have shared my secret request with Arys. How could Shaz do this to me?
“But, I didn’t,” I protested. “That was only if I were to lose all control, if the bloodlust were to consume me to a point where I wasn’t myself anymore. It was a safety net.”
With a storm brewing in his eyes, Arys jerked back from my touch. “You don’t trust me. Do you think I would let you face that alone? Do you have any idea how I’ve wrestled with the guilt of binding you that way? To hear you’ve asked your wolves for a way out… that hurts.”
The atmosphere grew increasingly uncomfortable as we stared at one another. Arys’s sire had forced us into the blood bond. Perhaps we shouldn’t have rushed into it, but Harley’s intent to bond with me had left us no choice. He’d unknowingly played an important part in bringing Arys and I together. Upon discovering this, he’d grown desperate to have us both for himself. Jealousy will drive people to madness.
The blood bond is the vampires’ way of binding mortals to themselves through a deep exchange of blood. Though not enough to turn a mortal immediately, it ensured they would rise as a vampire upon their death. To prevent Harley or anyone else from binding me, Arys had done it. Now, his darkness grew in me in a way that threatened the balance of our twin flame union.
“I’m not looking for a way out.” I heard the pleading note in my tone and cringed. “I just can’t allow it to consume me. It’s already starting to. I may be a killer, but I don’t have to be ok with it. I can’t be like that.”
My voice rose dangerously, a near shout that bordered on hysteria. Arys flinched, a rare crack in his armor that allowed me to see the wound I’d inflicted.
“Like me. Isn’t that what you’re really saying?”
It was my turn to look away. I didn’t want him to see it in my eyes, the truth, that the thought of becoming a vampire terrified me in ways I couldn’t describe. Vampires were ruthless, cunning and powerful. Ultimately, they existed for the thrill of the hunt, the euphoria of the kill. They felt no remorse. Arys was all of this and yet still human in so many ways due to his connection to me. I didn’t want to hurt him.
“I’m scared,” I admitted. “I’m not ready to let go of my human side.”
“Will you ever be?”
The weight of his stare grew heavy. I forced myself to let him see the fear in my brown wolf eyes. The wolf was my safe place.
“I don’t know.”
“You should go, be wolf,” Arys said, gesturing toward the dark field and the forest beyond. “We don’t have to do this now.”
My beast leapt against my insides, demanding release. I didn’t feel good about leaving this unsettled, but was it even possible to settle? I felt ill.
“Arys, I love you. You know that, right?” I needed something, some kind of reassurance.
A sinking sensation gripped me. I knew Arys had been on edge lately. He had known the blood bond would afflict our twin flame tie, tainting me with his darkness. This was worse. He now believed he’d condemned me to a future I no longer accepted, which made it easier to understand why he was desperate enough to strike deals with demons. I understood his need to protect me from Lilah, but did he really think he could save me from himself?
I resented a choice I had willingly made. This was my burden to bear, not his. If he did something reckless, it might come back on us with a vengeance. I couldn’t let it come to that.
“Of course. And, I love you, my wolf.” He smiled, a sensual flash of fang that lacked genuine warmth. “After a century of believing I may never find you, I won’t lose you now, to anyone or anything. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect you, Alexa. Whatever that happens to be, I hope you can learn to live with it.”
Chapter Four
The Big Book of Love Spells held my attention while I waited for Toil and Trouble to close for the night. Brogan was finishing up with a few remaining customers. The people I saw in her magic shop, soccer moms, businessmen, little old ladies with walkers, always fascinated me. Looks sure are deceiving. I doubted I looked anything like what one would expect a werewolf