say it and I'd never put that in his face. He is trying so hard not to make a mistake now, feeling like he's got everybody's life on the line - plus babies, too - that the poor man is in shock. He was cool as long as it was demon to demon, an eye for an eye, a fang for a fang, street justice in full-effect type of thing - like he thought hitting Lilith's lair would be. He was ready for that, could handle it in his head, knew the ins and cuts and had worked the best-case, worst-case scenarios in his brilliant mind down to the bone ... But the moment he really dug it, really realized that On High had sent him that battle charge and it was for real on... I've never seen Carlos quietly freak this hard in my life."
Damali looked up and tried to fight back tears. Marlene pushed off the dresser and came to sit by Damali, moving a stray lock over her shoulder.
"D, baby ... this was what he's been groomed to do all his life. His walk on the darkside and maybe even still owning his fangs so he'd be a hybrid, able to hit them while they were down, come at them like Adam never would, be sly, cunning, courageous, outrageous ... Damali, you've got to make him know what every man in here knows - he was chosen, this time, to set the ball in motion, because only someone as wild and crazy as Carlos could do that - and do it with honor."
Damali slid into Marlene's embrace, her tears wetting Marlene's shoulder. "I tried to tell my husband that," she whispered through thick mucous. "But he keeps thinking of those who died in Morales, seeing their faces on the battle field, hearing their screams, seeing their loved ones break down at all the funerals we went to. And I felt it turn like a hundred parasites under the skin of his brain, struggling with self-created scenes of what would happen if Armageddon forces swept down and took a very pregnant Heather - and then imagining what Dan would do ... shit like that, Mar, is eating him up alive. He's got this kamikaze thing happening in his head, telling himself that he should have gone alone, he was the one that had a beef with Lilith, directly, and this time maybe - even for him - he'd gone too far."
"Aw ... maaaan ..." Marlene breathed against Damali's hair as she rubbed her back.
"His libido is shot to hell, Mar," Damali whispered, squeezing her eyes tightly. Thick mucous from tears collect ing had formed in her mouth, slurring her words as she spoke
in quick, urgent bursts. "After a battle... that they won? Nada. He kept walking around in a circle saying, 'D, I gotta think. Gotta figure out the best way to keep this team safe.' And you and I both know there's no surefire way to do that."
"But every man in here knows it's not Carlos's fault if something happens." Marlene held Damali back from her to stare into her eyes. "They all went, ready to ride or die, like Guardians. They're all celebrating the fact that they were there to kick it off and were a part of making biblical history, and still made it home from the first battle alive. That's why they're so cool about it - what other way is there to be? It was coming, sooner or later, all the signs were there... didn't really matter who started it, and truthfully, after Cain's plummet to a throne and executing Guardians on earth - it was seriously in the stars and close at hand, so ... just tell Mr. Rivera, this time, it's not his fault." Marlene tried to smile. Damali couldn't as she wiped her face.
"Yeah, well, this time, after all those times before when it was his fault, he can't shake the feeling down deep that it might be. Every mistake he ever made is kicking his ass, Marlene. I can feel it like a serpent right under his skin." Damali let her breath out in a frustrated rush. "I mean all the way back, Mar. To like getting his brother killed because he was in the drug biz with Carlos, and Nuit got to him."
"Damn..." Marlene whispered.
"Yeah. Damn. And my husband is in some type of self-gratification exile, trying to be a monk, focused completely on selfless sacrifice, and gets