Crush - Kelsie Rae Page 0,63

I do, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m okay.”

I think so.

Reaching our floor a few seconds later, the elevator doors slide back open, and we walk down the hall in silence. I’m too lost in my thoughts to actually carry on a conversation, and since Ben can read me like a book, he doesn’t press the topic.

The electronic key glides into the lock, then Ben opens the door and guides me inside our hotel room. Staring warily at the bed, the same what if’s run through my mind that have been on a constant loop since we arrived.

Maybe the change of scenery will be enough to keep our relationship at the forefront of his mind. Maybe he won’t get lost in his past this time. Maybe I’m enough for him. Maybe we could build a relationship that lasts more than a few months. Maybe it could even last for the rest of our lives.

Or maybe I’m crazy, and he’ll never be able to love two women instead of just one.

Because I’m not trying to replace her. I’m not. I just want to be able to step outside of her shadow and have him look at the real, flawed, yet beautiful Marcy Holden.

Is it even possible?

“You’re thinking about something,” Ben calls me out.

“Nothing,” I whisper in response.

“Bullshit.”

“Ben….”

Turning me toward him until we’re face-to-face, he pushes, “Do you trust me?”

His calloused hand encompasses my bicep, and I study it just as closely as his question. It’s funny. There’s so much weight to it that I find myself speechless before forcing out the truth.

“I want to trust you.”

He nods, though his jaw stays tense. “I can accept that. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking that I could fall for you, but that terrifies me.” It’s only half a lie. I am terrified. But I’ve already fallen, and there’s no going back for me.

“Why are you so terrified, Marcy?”

“Because I’m scared that you’ll always be too busy carrying around the memories of your wife to make new ones with me.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, he rests his forehead against mine and breathes me in. It’s like I’m his oxygen. If only he knew that he’s turning into mine too.

“I think I’m in love with you, Ben,” I whisper. “But I haven’t been fair to you, and that’s on me.”

“It’s not your fault––”

“Shhh….” I tilt my head and kiss him. Dragging my tongue along the seam of his lips, I silently beg for him to open up to me, and he complies without hesitation.

His fingers press into my lower back, bruising me with their need as I guide him to the bed.

Once he’s seated on the edge of the mattress, I lift my dress to my waist, then straddle his thighs before kissing his strong jaw. The scruff of his beard scratches my sensitive skin, but I kind of love it.

“I’m going to need you to take off your shirt now,” I order against his heated flesh before dragging my tongue against his neck. The slight taste of salt has me rolling my hips against him in need.

With a curse under his breath, Ben rips his shirt off, then throws it across the room. His hands find my waist, and he guides me back a few inches to give him enough room to undo his belt buckle. Raising onto my knees, I wait for him to slide down his jeans while ignoring the way my heart is racing.

“Come here, Marcy.” His gruff voice grounds me as his bruising grip returns to my hips. With only a flimsy set of underwear between us, I gasp and grind against him. I’m dripping. Desperate. And terrified. But he feels so good, and it’s almost enough to distract me from my insecurities that are yelling at me right now.

He’s using you.

He only wants her.

You’ll never be enough.

“Marcy.” My name is a prayer on his lips. “Shit, Marce.”

His hands slide up my back before that same desperation takes over, and I fight with the fabric of my maxi dress that’s bunched around my waist. Tugging it over my head, I tell those stupid insecurities to shut the hell up. My dress joins Ben’s shirt across the room, then his hand is tugging aside my underwear, and he lines himself up with my core.

Take the leap, Marcy.

My thighs shake as I lower myself onto him and gasp at the sensation of him inside of me. At first, he doesn’t move and lets me take the lead,