Crush - Kelsie Rae Page 0,62

to have any more kids. So, if I wanted to become a surrogate, I needed to basically waive my opportunity for future children.”

“I know. At first, I thought, who could be that generous, yet that selfish at the same time? Giving up your body for someone else but not willing to have kids of your own? The only conclusion I could come up with was that you were renting out your womb to make a quick buck, and I wasn’t sure I wanted my unborn baby in an environment like that. It sounds weird, right? But that’s how I felt. Still, Anthony and I wanted to proceed with the introduction. I hadn’t met you yet,” she clarifies with a soft smile. “But as soon as I did, I noticed how you would watch Anthony and me interact. And that’s when I finally pieced it together. You weren’t selfish. You’d simply given up on having your own family and your own dreams.”

I open my mouth to argue but close it just as quickly because the truth is…she’s not wrong.

Placing her hand on top of mine, Sway continues. “True love wasn’t new to you, but it was still a foreign concept. Like you knew true love was real, but you’d written it off for yourself. You had to have written it off if you were willing to give up the possibility of having your own kids when it was obvious that you wanted some. You weren’t selfish. You’d just…given up. And that’s when I realized how similar you and I are. When I found out I couldn’t have kids, I completely wrote off the possibility of getting married or having a family of my own. Who would want to marry someone broken like me? The idea that true love and a family could be within reach was foreign to me too. In fact, as far as I was concerned, it wasn’t just foreign. It was impossible. And then Anthony showed up on my doorstep and changed everything for me. When I saw the way Ben looked at you during that first appointment…I saw the spark. I saw the possibility. Anyway…I’m just happy for you. In a sense, you’re the underdog when it comes to love. Just like how I’m the underdog when it comes to having my own child.” She squeezes her eyes closed for a second to steady herself before wiping the corner of her eye. “Gah. Sorry. It’s still so surreal that I’m going to be a…mom? How is that even possible, ya know?”

“You’re going to be the best mom, Sway.”

“I’m terrified,” she admits with a pathetic laugh. “I’m terrified to decorate the nursery. I’m terrified to tell people her name. I’m terrified to even say her name because that might make her real. And if she’s real, then she can be taken from me.” Her voice cracks. “And that’s what terrifies me most. Being vulnerable can be hard. But it was worth it with Anthony, so I’m praying it’ll be worth it with Little Miss too.”

She’s right. We’re more similar than I ever realized. Because I’m terrified too. Of admitting that I’m in love with Ben. Of not being enough. Of disappointing him. Of losing him. All of it.

My eyes find him through the sliding glass door. He brings a bottle of beer to his crooked smirk as he chats with Anthony before taking a quick swig of the amber liquid. As if he can feel me watching him, he finds my gaze and holds my stare.

Will Ben make my vulnerability worth it?

I don’t know. But I think I want to find out.

26

Marcy

“How are you feeling?” Ben asks after Anthony drops us off at our hotel.

My nerves are shot from my mind refusing to just…shut off for a minute. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the cliff from earlier today and need to jump if I want to give my relationship with Ben a real chance of thriving. But that’s terrifying on so many levels.

Man, I’d give anything for a glass of wine.

“Marce?” Ben prods before lacing our fingers together and guiding me into the elevator.

“I’m okay,” I answer him as I stare at our interlocked hands.

I want to trust him. I need to.

“You sure?”

When he squeezes my hand and presses the button for our floor, I tear my gaze away from his firm grip and look up at him. Sway’s right. It’s okay to be terrified, but I can’t let that hold me back. If