A Crown Of Fire And Wrath (The Shadow Walkers Saga #5) - Sloane Murphy Page 0,58

doesn’t know.”

“Oh Mara, being reckless doesn’t mean you killed him,” she says softly, squeezing my hand again as the tears spill down my cheeks steadily again.

“But I did. I should have been more careful. I should have done something different. I should have protected him!” I tell her almost hysterically. “It’s all my fault.”

I tell her what happened, about the guilt and shame that ate me alive after it happened, that threatens to swallow me whole now. She sits and listens as I pour my heart out to her, about everything, all of the things that threaten to swallow me whole, without interruption.

The door to the throne room creaks open as I finish speaking and the guys heads appear around it.

“Is everything okay?” Caleb asks.

“Told you.” Morgan chuckles as the door opens wider. “We’re fine. I’m sure you guys have plenty of things to be doing, right?” She raises an eyebrow at them, but they all just look at me with so much concern it makes me want to cry all over again. I give them a watery smile, shaking my head as Caleb takes a step towards us.

“I think…” Caleb starts, but Morgan interrupts him.

“No skulls need breaking. You’re off the hook. We just need to talk it out some more.” He stops at her words and Bryce tugs him backwards.

“We’ll be back soon,” Bryce says as he leads the rest of them back out of the room and closes the door.

“I’ll be amazed if they’re gone for an hour before they check back in. Other than me and Mireya, you’re about the only person they actually care about. So seeing you like that, when they’ve never witnessed it before, they’re going to want to make sure you’re really okay,” she says, and I sigh.

“I don’t know what to do, Morgan. I’ve always known, I’ve had a plan, there’s been a mission, or orders, but right now. I don’t know which way is up.”

“That is the guilt talking. But Mara, you have nothing to feel guilty for. You were grieving, but what happened is not your fault. While I think you should’ve told Leviathan rather than hiding, I understand why you did what you did. But you can’t hide anymore. As for everything else, you can stay here as long as you need, to work through your past, but I think the best way to do that, really is with your guys. They’ve been through a lot with you. They’re going to understand this.”

“Maybe.” I take another sip of the tea, and slump in my chair. “But I feel like Levi isn’t going to understand.”

“He might get angry, and he has every right to, because as much as you keep telling them not to keep stuff from you, you’ve done the same to him. That all being said, he won’t be angry at you about what happened. I know him well enough to know that he won’t blame you, because it was not your fault.”

“But…”

“No. Mara. Nothing about what happened is your fault. It was a bad situation, and a really terrible thing happened. But it happened to you. You did not cause it. You did not ask for it.” she says firmly, and I look down at my hands in my lap. I really want her words to be true, they just don’t feel it, not in my heart. “Now, let’s get you some food, and then get you to bed. I imagine you’re exhausted. Then we can talk some more in the morning.”

“Thank you,” I say, my voice small.

“Mara, I will help you however I can. Just know that none of us will think any differently of you for any of it, and we all love you. No matter what.”

I wake up, my eyes feeling scratchy from all the crying, and my throat dry as the Sahara. It took a while to go to sleep after Morgan got me settled last night. The tears just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know I could cry this much, that I had that many tears in me.

I know that my tears aren’t over yet though. Now that I opened the dam, every single thing I’ve put off dealing with is pressing down on me. It’s like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I can barely breathe. Which is why, despite feeling like I do, I don’t move from the fetal position I woke in. I welcome the darkness of the room. Not even a slither of daylight makes its