to teach me and Jonny right from wrong despite what we were growin’ up in. He heard all the right and I heard it but figured I was destined for mostly the wrong, so bitter and pissed off and just doin’ what I had to do to survive. It was like bein’ a made man in a biker mafia I never agreed to join. I was born into it by bein’ Wild Will Forker’s son.”
“You were an abused child. You couldn’t help that you were in indentured servitude to your own father!”
He stared.
“Baby,” I started.
“I know. They kept tryin’ to get me to go with them. Started with her kickin’ him out, then he came back when my Uncle Rob gave him the boot. He booted her out and kept us both. She kept tryin’ to fight him to get us and finally he told her she could only leave with one of us, tried to make her pick one of us right in front of the two of us, holdin’ her by her hair. God, she was fuckin’ broken, staring at the two of us with so much pain in her eyes. I made my brother go. Made her take Jonny. Gramp and my uncle came to my school, told me they’d got a lawyer. I was still a kid, but I knew there was no way he’d leave them alone if I left, judge’s orders or not. So I told them to go. They pushed and I told ‘em fuck off. Never saw my grandfather again. Saw my uncle once a year. He was a pastor. He’d find me on my birthday every year, try ‘n spout wisdom, like one talk a year would save my soul or somethin’. He shoulda been there when we got married, woulda loved him to marry us himself. But he’s got health problems; livin’ in an assisted living facility. And unfortunately, my gramp died thinkin’ I’m the same piece ‘o shit my old man is.”
“No way. I’m sure he knows why you did what you did. Your mom and brother definitely do. I bet he did too.”
“Last time I saw my uncle I did it because he didn’t turn up on my birthday when I was 20. That was because my grandfather died on my birthday that year. Sought him out instead, visited him two days after the funeral. Told me I was a man now and if I wanted to see him, he’d always have a place for me at his table. I never went back though.”
“I’m sure he knew you were shielding your mom and Jonathan. They knew. You think your grandfather didn’t know? They probably all talked about you a lot, about your sacrifice.”
“That or the fact that I was sinking deeper and deeper into the life despite everything. Ma kicked him out when she found his sick stash in the garage. My uncle ‘n gramp moved his shit out and Gramp put a rifle to his forehead and told him to leave. He came back when he got kicked outta Uncle Rob and Aunt Bert’s place for lookin’ at Ella the wrong way. Aunt Bert got a call from my Uncle Stu with a warning and that’s a good thing because Aunt Bert kept a closer eye. Dad fucked off for a bit. Uncle Stu left and Dad came back and kicked Ma out. It was ugly, baby. Fuckin’ awful. Never forget her face as he made her go. Smacked her around first and made her leave, bleedin’ and cryin’. He ‘n I got into it and we were both black ‘n blue after. He told me if I fought back again, he’d kill her. Fourteen fuckin’ years old and I knew I was capable of murder. Jackals warned my uncle and my grandfather to stay away. Told them they were lucky they didn’t get dead. Uncle Stu got in an accident at the church though, a renovation accident that didn’t seem like no accident, and he was in the hospital a bit and wasn’t so tough anymore. His health to this day has declined because of that accident.”
I shook my head angrily.
“Know now that Uncle Rob woulda been someone who’d have helped, but I didn’t know how to get help without riskin’ the Jackals would go after my loved ones again. So I got tougher. Tough enough to hack my life until I could find a way out. But Wyld Jackals didn’t want me out. I was