was coming from the direction of my house. "Snuggle Muffins?" He barked again and I felt a little more certain of his whereabouts as I ran toward the noise. "Snuggle Muffins!"
I ran out of the woods and into my back yard. Snuggle Muffins was jumping around trying to attack the snowflakes falling from the sky.
"Bad dog."
He froze and looked up at me. And then his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth.
"Did you just stick your tongue out at me? You're a very bad dog." I collapsed into the snow beside him. "You know I don't mean it. But don't scare me like that ever again. Do you hear me?" I squeezed him against my chest. "You can't leave me too. Promise me." I held him closer.
And the little demon licked the side of my face. I almost threw him off me, but as the snow fell around me, I found myself not caring that he was gross. I looked down at his cute little face. Oh, no. I'm a dog person. Ew. I cringed. But then I shook my head as I stared at the little bundle of fur in my arms. "I'm not a dog person. But I am a Snuggle Muffins person. So don't leave me."
His face morphed into a distorted smile.
"I'm high."
He barked.
And then I laughed. "We're so high!" I let him go so he could chase snowflakes again. And then I collapsed backward and started making snow angels. I rolled around the back yard making snow angel after snow angel until Snuggle Muffins and I were both equally covered in snow.
"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas," I sung.
"Is everything okay back there?"
Sally was peering over the fence at me. At least, I think it was Sally. Her face resembled a snake. I squinted at her. Maybe she was just dressed up for fun. Old people were into kinky things too, right? "We're great," I said. I smiled but it felt weird, like my lips were stretched out to my ears. I touched my lips. They went all the way around my whole head. I'm growing.
"Oh. I see," Sally said. She turned to look at my house.
My eyes followed her gaze. And I didn't need my binoculars to see clearly into the kitchen window from this distance. Noah was standing at the kitchen island shoving his face with brownies. It looked like he was eating them with a shovel. Who eats brownie with a shovel? I needed to give him a fork.
"Hmm," Sally the snake hissed. "Looks like everything is okay here. I'll let you guys be."
I turned back to her. And then back toward the window. If I could see Noah, that meant snake Sally could see Noah too. "Oh fuck."
"Language, dear."
"It's not what it looks like," I said. "That...that's my sidepiece. Noah." Shit. Why did I just tell her it was Noah? I was a terrible liar. "I mean Evergreen. His name is Evergreen. He's a tree. I was just cutting down a Christmas tree."
"What? All I see is two kids playing in the snow." She hissed again and winked one of her big yellow eyes. "See you tomorrow for the Christmas light judging! I have a feeling you and Evergreen are going to win a million dollars. Ciao!"
"Ciao!"
She disappeared behind the fence.
"Snuggle Muffins, I speak Italian!"
"Ciao" he barked.
"We all speak Italian!" I had to enter Snuggle Muffins in all the contests in the world. And speaking of contests, when had the prize for the Christmas lights been upped to a million dollars? I needed to do more decorating! "Snuggle Muffins, we need more lights. Like all the lights. Call that boy from the hardware store. He knows my name, he'll hook us up." I stood up from my latest snow angel and brushed some of the snow off my ass. But it didn't really help. I was completely soaked.
"How long have we been out here?" I turned in a circle and stared down at all the snow angels in the yard. There were at least a thousand. I knew because I counted them real fast. After I was done counting, I spotted Noah through the window, still shoveling brownies into his mouth.
"Forget the lights for now. We'll get them tomorrow. We need to get our tree! We can all decorate together. One big happy family."
Snuggle Muffins barked behind me as I staggered back into the woods. Where had I left my axe? I knew it was around here somewhere...ah.