two months. In your kitchen. At Jake’s.”
“You think I don’t fucking know that?” He sounds angry, but I don’t get the feeling that he’s mad at me. He’s not blaming me for the attraction, and if I had to guess, I’d bet he blames himself fully. According to him, he’s the adult after all. He’s the one who should be able to control himself, no matter the slipups he’s had recently. And that’s exactly what Jake’s was, a mistake, something he can blame on alcohol and correct by not drinking when I’m near.
“Are we really just going to walk away from each other at the end of the week and pretend we haven’t been getting ourselves off with the thoughts of each other?”
His eyes squeeze shut, and it’s the best confession he can give me. At least I’m not the only one. At least he shares some mutual obsession about me.
“I respect your father too much to cross that line with you.”
“You don’t even know my father.”
“The department respects him too much,” he amends.
“I’m a grown woman.”
“I’m very well aware.”
“I get to make decisions about my life without having to consult my parents.”
“I’m a parent,” he says as if I need reminding, his head swiveling back toward me. Gone is the needy look in his eyes, having been replaced with desolation and loss. “I have to think about Rick.”
“I would never cross a line with him. I told you—”
“The thought didn’t even cross my mind, Sophia. I want you to know that, but his happiness and stability is my number one concern. I can’t bring another woman into our lives only for her to leave.”
“You were heartbroken when she left,” I whisper.
“I think kids deserve two parents.”
“You loved her.”
“I—” His hands scrape over the top of his head before falling right back to the steering wheel, and I can’t help but wonder if his grip there is so he’s not tempted to reach for me. “I should have. A man should love his wife.”
“But you didn’t?”
“We were young. I wasn’t in a relationship with her when we hooked up. When she came to me three months later to tell me she was pregnant, if felt like the right thing to do even though neither one of us really wanted it.”
“Your parents were okay with you marrying so young?” I know my dad would be very vocal if the situation happened in our family.
“No, but we were both eighteen. They didn’t really have a say. I wanted to give Rick what I had growing up, two parents in a happy home. She was gone before I knew that love, not marriage, was the foundation for that. Failure was inevitable.”
“I’m not her.”
“You don’t know that.”
I want to grab a handful of his hair and shake it until he sees reasoning. “I would never walk away from a child, Colton.”
He nods as if he understands, but it doesn’t seem to change his mind. It’s not only age keeping us apart. His mind is so warped from Rick’s mother leaving and deserting them both that I don’t think there’s a thing I can say to convince him otherwise.
His relationship with her was over before it began, and it seems it’s the same for us.
“I would never hurt you like that,” I vow.
His eyes meet mine, and all the walls he’s put up over the last couple of months fade away. He’s no longer hiding a single piece of himself, and the sight makes my chin quiver with unleashed emotion.
“I’d never give you the chance.”
And the shutters go back into place.
“Okay.” I nod in understanding. “I won’t beg you, no matter how much my body wants you, how much I throb for you, or how much time I’ve spent at night thinking about you and what your touch on my skin would feel like. I won’t waste another second of your time trying to convince you that I’m worth the risk.”
Before I start to cry, I open the car door and get out.
I approach the fireman we were speaking with earlier.
“I have a few questions about burn patterns in arson cases.” I pull my little notebook and pen out of my pocket. “I was hoping you could share a little of your expertise.”
“Sure thing,” he says before going into a long description of accelerants.
I may only have a few days left in my internship, but I plan to learn everything I can until I’m done.
Since I already know what a broken heart feels like, I