the living room, waiting for him when he came home from work. I’d had a busy day. When I left Ruby I’d called my sister, Jane, from my car. She came straight to my house and I told her everything. Almost everything. She winced when I told her about Harry’s affair with Ruby. I was gratified by her response when I told her I’d slept with Tom. I didn’t tell her that I thought at the very last minute Ruby could have saved Tom. I still didn’t know what I thought about that. Now Jane was waiting at her home for me. I’d told her I wouldn’t be long.
My car was full of suitcases. We’d crammed in everything we thought I’d need. My clothes, my shoes, my hair dryer. My new yoga clothes and my pregnancy books. My NutriBullet blender for those wheatgrass smoothies. One of my positive pregnancy tests. I’d shredded the DNA results I’d taken to show Tom; there was no need for them now.
I’d opened a new bank account and transferred half of our savings to it. I wasn’t taking any risks. In a folder I had all the documents I’d need: My birth certificate. Our marriage certificate. Mortgage details. Insurance. Passport. All those things that you need when you’re leaving your husband.
Harry’s car pulled onto the driveway. I couldn’t have moved then to save my life. I heard his key turn in the lock, heard him call my name. There was a pause and I knew he would be wondering why I hadn’t answered. He opened the living room door and saw me sitting there on the sofa by the window.
“Emma?” He came into the room and knelt beside me. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
Despite everything, my eyes prickled. He sounded so concerned. As though he loved me. I looked at his face, at the man I’d thought I’d grow old with. The man I’d trusted with every cell in my body.
“Is the baby all right?” he asked.
And I knew that if there was no baby, he wouldn’t be here. He’d be with another woman, planning a baby with her. If there was no baby I’d be here alone right now, and he’d had no qualms about that. I knew my worth in his eyes then.
“Harry,” I said. It was hard to speak, my mouth was so dry. I picked up the glass of water I’d known I’d need and took a sip. “Harry, this isn’t working out for me.”
CHAPTER 74
Ruby
I didn’t go back to my house until the day of the funeral, after everyone had left the reception. I hadn’t been there since Tom died. I stayed at my flat and, oddly enough, nothing happened to scare me in all that time. At first nobody was allowed into our house and then I couldn’t face going there. I was too superstitious. It was only after the cremation that I could believe he was truly gone.
* * *
? ? ?
I was the last to leave the hotel after the funeral reception. There’d been quite a crowd and I was exhausted and aching after talking to so many people, many of whom I didn’t know. Tom’s brother was there with his wife; they were kind to me but didn’t seem to know what to say, and I wondered what Tom had told them about me after I left. They hadn’t been in touch since I moved out, and I assumed I wouldn’t see them again. They talked to Josh and to a few distant cousins but didn’t stay long as they were traveling back to Scotland that afternoon. I heard them arrange for Josh to drive up there in early September and was glad they’d be there for him. There were a couple of neighbors and some of Tom’s colleagues, too, who were singing his praises as though he’d died a martyr for his cause.
Perhaps he had.
Tom’s ex-wife, Belinda, was there with her husband, Martin; her eyes were as dry as mine. And Josh. His weren’t, and my heart broke as I saw him go from table to table to talk to people about his father. He avoided me and I wondered whether he was frightened of breaking down or whether he’d guessed that I wasn’t actually mourning. I