to. I could have done a lot worse.”
“It’s your damn right hook. I love you. I swear I’ll clean up this mess,” but he wasn’t sure he would, and she could sense that now too.
“Tell that to your fiancée. Best of luck, asshole,” she said, turned her back, and walked away. He didn’t see the tears running down her cheeks. All he saw from behind as he watched her was the proud set of her shoulders, the straight back, and the quick step as she disappeared, trying to get as far away from him as she could.
Alicia turned the corner, and then ran to the subway sobbing. Her hand was throbbing from when she’d punched him. She couldn’t believe he’d done this to her. She had believed in him, and trusted him, and he’d been lying to her the whole time. The worst of it was that she loved him too, but she never wanted to see him again. He’d only left a few things there, some T-shirts, jeans, a pair of sneakers they’d bought together. She threw them in the trash in her apartment building, along with everything he’d given her, some souvenirs, a book, some dried flowers she’d saved, a pink dinosaur he’d won for her at Coney Island. She wanted no reminders of him anywhere. But the real reminders of him were her memories and the heart he had stolen from her dishonestly. She wanted to hate him, but she didn’t. All she wanted to do was forget him. They had taken some pictures together in a photo booth and she threw those away too. She blocked his number on her phone, and then she lay on her bed sobbing, until she fell asleep.
* * *
—
By the time Anthony got home to Amanda’s apartment, his eye was swollen shut, his chest and stomach were aching, and he felt sick. He didn’t blame Alicia for hitting him. Knowing her abilities, she hadn’t hit him with her full strength or she would have knocked him out cold. Unfortunately, Amanda was home that night. She’d had dinner with some girlfriends from Vogue, and he had told her he had to work late. He was bent over as he walked into the apartment, and ran into her in the kitchen, when he went to get some ice for his eye. She screamed when she saw him, and rushed to help him.
“Oh my God, what happened?” She pulled up a stool so he could sit down.
“It’s nothing, I’m fine. I got mugged on the subway,” yeah, by a hundred-and-ten-pound girl.
“Did they get your watch and your money?” She put some ice in a Ziploc bag and handed it to him, and he winced when he put it on his eye. Alicia had given him a good one. It was his final gift from her.
“No, I chased them off. There were three of them,” he embellished the story, and he knew that if he was going to do this right, he had to be honest with Amanda too, but he couldn’t. Before he canceled the wedding and ruined her life, he wanted to see how he felt about her when he didn’t have Alicia in his arms every day. He needed to find out if Amanda was enough on her own. He didn’t know anymore. Maybe Alicia would fade from memory and he’d be glad she did. He needed to find that out.
“Can I run a hot bath for you?” she offered.
“No, I’ll take a shower.” He smiled at her, but all he could think of was how beautiful Alicia looked when she was raging at him, and how wounded. It had almost been a relief when she swung at him, no matter how much it hurt. He knew he had injured her even more.
He got into the shower and let the hot water rain down on him. He realized he’d have to change gyms now. He couldn’t go back there again, or to any of the places where they’d been. They’d had a whole life together for almost two months. It had been as though there was no one else in his life. Amanda had ceased to exist whenever he was with Alicia. But Alicia had come home with him, and when Amanda droned on about the wedding, it was Alicia’s voice he heard in his head, her body that he longed for.
Amanda was waiting in the bedroom for him, watching TV, as he stood in the shower, crying