excitement was contagious and Rat tightened his arms around her back and pulled her feet off the ground. He might have made more of it, if it hadn’t been for a blast of pain from the ankle he’d twisted earlier in the day.
‘I don’t care what James says,’ Lauren said happily. ‘But there is one condition.’
‘What?’
‘You’ve got to get a decent haircut.’
Rat sounded shocked. ‘What’s wrong with my hair?’
‘Nothing,’ Lauren said. ‘I mean, if I was the sort of girl who went for guys who looked like they had a bird’s nest mounted on their head …’
Rat self-consciously inspected a strand of his tangled hair. ‘Do you really think it’s that bad?’
Lauren slowly nodded, but her smirk disappeared when she heard the clatter of a diesel engine coming up the dirt path towards the camp.
Rat poked his head out between the branches. ‘It’s Mr Large and Arif in the truck.’
Arif was a nineteen-year-old ex-cherub who was being paid to help out around campus until he returned to university.
‘Dammit,’ Lauren said. ‘They’re right between us and the tents. If Large does an inspection and finds us missing, we’re gonna be so dead.’
The pair crouched down low and watched as the army-green truck came to a halt. Arif sat at the wheel as Mr Large opened the passenger door and stumbled out of the cab.
‘Are you sure you’re OK, Norman?’ Arif asked.
‘I’m a happy man,’ Large boomed, as his giant body rippled with drunken laughter. ‘I can’t wait for the looks on those kids’ faces when they see those granite blocks and the size of the hill they’ve got to drag them up.’
Arif had been through many of Mr Large’s training exercises himself and clearly didn’t share the joke.
‘OK, misery guts,’ Large slurred. ‘You’d better get moving, ’cos the supermarket closes at half twelve. Stick to the cheap sausages and don’t go buying any extra stuff; I want to keep those brats lean and hungry.’
Large slammed the door of the truck and a thick blue plume shot out of the exhaust as Arif pulled away. Back in the trees, Lauren and Rat exchanged looks of dread as they contemplated spending a day dragging granite blocks up a hill.
‘At least he’s in no state to inspect tents,’ Rat whispered.
‘Yeah, but think of the mood he’ll be in tomorrow if he’s got a hangover.’
Mr Large clearly had no idea that he was being watched as he unself-consciously scratched between his legs and broke into song:
‘I’ve been a wild rover for many a year, and I’ve spent all me money on whiskey and beer …’
‘Total saddo,’ Lauren whispered, stifling a giggle. ‘My dad always sang that when he was off his face.’
‘But now I’m returning with gold in great store …’
Rat smiled briefly, until he saw Mr Large turn and start walking towards them. The cluster of trees was isolated, which meant they’d be spotted if they tried to run off. All they could do was crouch down low and hope Mr Large didn’t come too close.
‘And it’s no nay never …’ Large sang, as he unzipped his fly and began liberally peeing against a trunk less than a metre and a half from Lauren and Rat. ‘No nay never, no more. Will I plaaaaaay the wild rover …’
Lauren covered her mouth and gagged slightly as the smell of alcohol-tinged urine caught on the breeze. But Rat couldn’t help seeing the funny side of Mr Large’s singing and the extraordinary capacity of his bladder as the hot liquid steamed in the moonlight.
‘That is sooooooo much better,’ Large told himself happily, as he zipped up and turned back towards the tents.
Rat cracked up as soon as Mr Large was out of earshot. ‘I thought he was never gonna stop.’
Lauren screwed up her face. ‘I don’t know why you’re laughing. It’s all soaked into the knee of your trousers.’
‘Eww!’ Rat gasped, as he sprang out of the grass.
‘Gotcha,’ Lauren giggled, as she tore the wrapping off her Twix.
She put one chocolate-covered end in her mouth and closed up to Rat, who bit on the other. The idea was to munch towards each other and end with a kiss, but after the first bite they heard a choking noise.
Lauren looked up in time to see Large’s silhouette doubling over, then crashing on to the grass near the tents.
‘Holy shit,’ Rat said as he jumped up, intending to run over and find out what was wrong.
But Lauren pulled him back. ‘Maybe he spotted us. It might be one of