how to explain it to him without making him out to be a scumbag cheater.
Because in my adolescent mind, that’s exactly what he had morphed into.
I didn’t know it at the time, but supposedly, Holly and Endymion weren’t together the night it happened. Sure, they were friends with…benefits, but apparently, Holly had a lot of those, and End was just one of them. Julia told me all this one night when I broke down, needing information on everything that was going on back home. Julia and my father were the only ties I still had to Dunsmuir, to Endymion, and it wasn’t really like I could ask my father anything about End.
Things are getting messy, and I can quite literally feel the train going off the tracks. We’re derailing, and I have no clue how to fix this. How to fix any of it. Because, even though I know all hell will break loose when I do it, I want to tell him. I want him to know Luna is his daughter. I just don’t know how.
How do you tell someone he’s missed six years of his child’s life and it’s all your fault?
“Mommy, guess what?” Luna skids to a halt in front of me, vibrating with energy.
“Hmm?” I pause, tapping my pointer finger on my chin and looking up at the ceiling for answers. “Chicken butt?”
Luna tosses her head back and laughs. “No, silly. Nana says you were in love with End!”
My eyes widen, and I choke on air.
End?
End?! When did my daughter start calling Endymion by his nickname, End? I scan the room for my mother, who’s standing off to the side, rolling her eyes.
“I said no such thing.”
“Yeah, you did!” Luna retorts, snitching on her grandmother. “You told him that Mommy had a huuuge crush on him when she was little.”
My stomach revolts and mortification weighs heavily on my chest, making it hard to breathe. “Mom!” I gasp, enraged that she’d feel the need to say anything at all. So what if I had a huge crush on the guy when I was younger? Does she really think I want him to be reminded of that? Especially now, years later?
It’s not totally her fault since she doesn’t know the truth, either. Everyone thinks Luna’s father is a guy from Caltech. No one bothered to do the math or question who it could have been. Why would they? It was me we were talking about—boring Selene who no one noticed. Sweet Selene who would never lie about anything. My parents were so consumed by the rocky state of their marriage that they didn’t question the logistics. They didn’t question me or any of it.
Oh, how times have changed.
“My goodness, Selene. What’s the big deal? Your crush on him wasn’t exactly a secret.”
“Yeah, it was, Nana.”
My mom narrows her eyes down at Luna. “All right, little girl. That’s the last time you go on a water run with me.”
“Awww!” Luna groans, and I can tell by her tone that she’s close to throwing a tantrum. I should probably stop the fit before it begins, but I’m too fixated on my mother to do so.
“What does she mean?” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Endymion didn’t know you had a crush on him all those years ago.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal when, in fact, it is a big fucking deal. I feel my body flame with anger. I glance toward the window where the guys are sitting around on their break. My stomach jolts violently when I realize End is looking at the window, too. He’s shirtless, the tan lines of his body are on full display, and I can make out his six-pack even from here. Jesus Christ. My mouth goes dry the longer I stare, so I move away from his distracting body, dragging my gaze upward.
That’s a mistake.
Our eyes lock, and suddenly, this strange current of electricity zings through my body. Now that I know he knows, I can’t help the way my face heats with embarrassment. I wish the ground would just swallow me whole.
Want to know what’s worse than your longtime crush never knowing how you felt about him?
Him finding out years later.
Yeah, that’s worse.
I quickly look away and do my best to ignore the way my body is suddenly trembling over this news. This is bad. He knows I had a crush on him.
God, this is so damn embarrassing!
“What’s going on in here?” Dad asks, walking into the kitchen. Luna runs