the house. She went on a water run for the guys with my mom, and obviously, it didn’t help her burn off any of this extra energy she seems to have today, of all days.
I should probably take her to the park, but I still have so many boxes to unpack, and with the guys working on the back, there’s no way I can take her back there to play.
And honestly, with how close we are to Endymion, it’s making me anxious. I’m pushing my luck here, I know this, but I don’t know what else to do. He just keeps popping up when I least expect him to. I mean, honest to God, how was I supposed to know he was going to have his own construction business? How was I supposed to know he and my father have built some weird sort of bond while I’ve been away? How was I supposed to know he decided to stay in Dunsmuir for good?
It’s all too much to process. I’m starting to get a headache from all of it.
And that is just the start of the issues suddenly presenting themselves left and right. Another is my crush I thought I buried six years ago when I had my heart broken. It seems I was wrong, because the way my heart and body react when I’m near Endymion now? That’s not the way people act when they’re around someone they don’t care about. My stomach dips and flips when he’s near, and I can still feel his hands on me, his lips on my bare skin, and his firm body hovering over mine as though I’m being transported back in time. My eyes slam shut as the memories flood my brain. It’s been so long, you’d think they’d be grainy at best, but the feel of his lips against my skin is as clear as if it were happening this instant.
Those are definitely not the thoughts of someone who has moved on.
It doesn’t help that he looks better now than he did when we were younger, if that is even possible. Everything about him is different, yet it’s still the same. Though matured, his features are the same as they were six years ago, just somehow better now, a little more rugged. He seems taller, broader, and I am sure he has muscles in places one shouldn’t even need muscles. His arms are thick and muscular, the veins protruding from his tan skin. I’m sure he probably stays in shape from his job, and even though I try to stop the train of thought, I can’t help but imagine him at work, his hot, sweaty body, the muscles rippling—
Stop it! I chide myself internally. Now is not the time to be fantasizing about this man.
His voice is deeper and raspier than I remember it being all those years ago, too. If I thought he had a sexy voice then? He has the kind of voice now that probably has women dropping their panties with one word.
And I hate him for it.
Why couldn’t he have gotten fat and ugly in the past six years?
Does he really have to be so handsome?
It all feels so unfair.
I worked so hard to forget about him—to bury my feelings, my torment, and all my hurt—to care for our daughter and give her a good life, but it feels as though the universe is somewhere looking down at my predicament and laughing at me by bringing us together like this again.
Because I’m sure if he ever finds out the truth, I’ll see a side of Endymion I never thought possible.
Over the years, I considered reaching out to him and explaining, but each time, I’d talk myself out of it. I mean, what was I really going to say to him?
Hey, we had sex one night when you were blackout drunk, and you took my virginity and got me pregnant. Oh, and meet your daughter, Luna.
Throwing that on him like that never felt right to me. Though it’s not like hiding it from him has made it any better. A part of me worries about what he’ll think of me. Will he think I’m lying about him being drunk? What if he doesn’t believe me? He doesn’t even know who I am, so what if he misinterprets my crush on him as something obsessive?
It also didn’t help matters that, at the time, when he was still with Holly and I was nursing a broken heart, I didn’t know