The Caregiver - By Shelley Shepard Gray Page 0,54

see you for an hour or two. But you came home after little more than an hour . . . crying.”

“I know. ”

“What happened? Please tell me. Instead of coming home with a pail of blackberries and a lighter heart, you returned with only a terribly sad expression.” She leaned forward. “Come now. All I do is sit in bed all day. At the very least, tell me what happened to the pail?” Looking almost like her former self, Mattie’s eyes sparkled. “Let’s see . . . you were besieged by a hungry bear?”

“Of course not.”

“Raccoon?”

“Oh, Mattie.”

“I’m waiting . . .”

“All right. I left it at the patch,” she said quickly. “I must have forgotten it when I left.”

“You forgot it after picking berries?” Mattie’s expression told Lucy that she didn’t buy that excuse for a second.

And Lucy didn’t really blame her. “Um, leaving it on the ground was just a mistake. And simply a small one, too. Mattie, there’s no need for you to be so worried. I promise I’ll go fetch it later today.”

“It is not the pail nor the berries I am thinking of.” Mattie looked her up and down like she was a recalcitrant child at school. “Lucy,” she said with exaggerated patience. “I know you saw Calvin on your walk. Mamm told me.”

Alarm, and a bit of irritation, coursed through Lucy. Had her Aunt Jenna really been keeping tabs on her? And was it really her aunt’s business whom she talked to, anyway? “How did she know I saw him?”

Mattie pushed her chair back and stood up, then gathered her dishes and walked to the sink. “So, your secret is out,” she said airily as she turned on the faucet.

Indeed it was. Lucy scrambled to meet her at the sink. “I’ve got this. Why don’t you sit for a bit?”

“I can wash dishes, Lucy. I get tired of sitting and watching.”

Too flustered to argue, Lucy gave in. “All right.” After squirting dish soap into the sink, she began scrubbing bowls after Mattie scraped them off. The warm, soapy water helped calm her frazzled nerves.

When Mattie looked at her again, her eyes full of concern, Lucy knew it was time to lean on her cousin. Mattie wanted to be thought of as more than just a cancer patient—and Lucy desperately needed someone to confide in. “You’re right. I did see Calvin. And . . . something happened between us.” With a deep breath, she said, “Calvin found my diary on the train and kept it.”

Mattie stilled. “And?”

“And Calvin read some truly hateful things that I wrote about Paul.”

“He shouldn’t have read a word.”

“I know.” Her body relaxed. Oh, it felt good to share her anger and dismay with her cousin! “He was, um . . . horrified about what I wrote on the pages.”

“He was horrified by your feelings?” Mattie shook her head. “If he could have seen you. Even once.” Her eyes burned bright. “Lucy, do you remember your broken arm? Your black eye? Your . . . your bruises?”

“Of course.” Of course, she remembered so much more. “Calm down. Jah—of course I remember.” Though she couldn’t believe she was defending Calvin, she still did. “But Calvin wasn’t there. He didn’t know . . .” Lucy stumbled, trying to verbalize all her feelings, yet trying to put it all behind her, too. “Calvin really doesn’t realize how it was.”

“Well, I’ll tell him. I’ll be happy to help him understand how difficult your life was.”

“You’ll do no such thing. Besides, I did tell him a little . . .”

“Good. So, how did you end things?”

Lucy ducked her head. “I ran away.”

To her surprise, Mattie chuckled. “Oh, Lucy. You poor dear. Ach. Well, don’t worry about the journal or Calvin. Things will get better.”

Lucy glanced at her in surprise. “You sound so sure.”

Dipping her hands in the soapy water once again, Mattie handed her a spoon. “I am. See, sometimes I wonder if our two situations aren’t all that different.”

Drying that spoon, she asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, something happened to me that I didn’t expect—and it’s taken just about all my energy to fight it. Perhaps not all that different from your life with Paul.”

“Paul’s behavior was a slow progression, Mattie. I saw the signs. My problem was that I didn’t act on it quickly enough.” Though, Lucy realized, there wasn’t anything she could do. She’d been trapped.

Mattie handed her a glass. “I am afraid that I ignored the signs of my cancer at first, too.”

Lucy