The Caregiver - By Shelley Shepard Gray Page 0,53

hurt and confused and, well . . . angry she’d been for months after Paul had died.

Knowing her feelings were shameful, she’d poured all her secrets into the journal. And now Calvin had read them.

How could she ever face Calvin again? Every time she remembered the things she’d written—and Calvin’s expression when he told her that she’d sinned—she flinched.

Just as if he’d attacked her physically.

Just as Paul had.

She shifted in the bed, carefully rearranging the sheets around her body. Reviewing the whole conversation with Calvin once again.

She closed her eyes and winced as she realized the crux of it all—he still had the journal! She’d been such a fool to trust him. So silly to ever imagine any man could push his own feelings aside and care enough to try to see her point of view.

Still gripped by demons, she was startled by the footsteps outside her door. Brought back to reality.

Ah, yes. It was time to push her own concerns to the back of her mind and try to concentrate on her cousin. Tomorrow, she and Mattie would be going back to the hospital for another chemotherapy treatment, which would begin another bout of nausea and discomfort. The cycle was grueling. With each day, her admiration for Mattie grew. Without a doubt, she was one of the strongest women she’d ever had the good fortune to know.

That’s what she needed to concentrate on. Slowly, she got out of bed and prepared to shower. Anything instead of dwelling on what couldn’t be changed.

Thirty minutes later, Lucy forced a smile to her lips as she walked into Mattie’s bedroom. “How about some breakfast?”

“Not right now.”

Though Mattie was out of bed and sitting curled up in a chair, to Lucy’s eyes, her cousin looked as despondent as ever. “Hot tea, perhaps?”

“No.” As if realizing her tone was rude, she softened her voice. “Maybe in a little bit?”

Lucy bit her lip in frustration. She’d been hoping Mattie would be able to eat well today, since there was little doubt that she wouldn’t be able to stomach much over the next few days. “All right. If you’re sure you’ll try to eat something soon?”

“Sure. Just don’t push so.”

Her cousin didn’t like to be treated as if she had no choices. Since Lucy could understand that, she was doing her best to give Mattie as many options as possible for how to spend her days. That way Mattie would be able to have at least a little control over her life.

“What would you like to do this morning?”

Mattie pursed her lips. “Well, the weather is lovely, to be sure. Maybe we could go for a walk?”

“A walk would be gut for both of us,” she said agreeably. “As long as you eat something first.” Before Mattie could protest again, she looped her arm through her cousin’s and playfully guided her into the kitchen.

“You weren’t going to give up until you got your way, were you?” Mattie asked, her tone wry.

Lucy decided to let that quip pass as she opened the refrigerator. “Oh, look. Your mamm made some granola this morning; and there’re apples and oranges, too. I think some oatmeal or toast and jam would taste very fine with that, don’tcha think?”

“I suppose.” Mattie sat in her wooden chair, leaned back, and watched Lucy bustle around the kitchen. “If you really think we should eat now.”

“I do.”

Mattie said nothing. Instead, she crossed her arms on the table and rested her elbows on the worn wooden surface. She stayed silent, though Lucy wasn’t sure if it was because she was miffed or only seeking a respite from the effort of making conversation.

So much seemed to affect her these days.

After Lucy had set the water to boiling on the stove for the oatmeal, she noticed Mattie looking a little bit interested.

She sipped her hot tea when Lucy brought it to her, and smiled when Lucy placed on the table two bowls of oatmeal and glasses filled with granola, fruit, and yogurt. “Perhaps I was a little bit hungry,” she said. After a brief, quiet prayer, she dug in. After two bites, she looked at Lucy in surprise. “This tastes wonderful-gut.”

“I think so, too.”

When they were almost finished, Mattie put her spoon down. “So, what happened the other day on your walk?”

Lucy’s stomach sank. This was exactly what she was hoping not to think about! “Nothing.”

“Come now. You left for your walk with an empty pail. Since the weather was so nice, neither Mamm nor I expected to