For the second time in a matter of minutes, an image of them flashes unwantedly through my head, and my heart jackhammers a painful staccato against my ribcage. I jerk my shoulders, not wanting him to see how deep his betrayal has cut. “That’s not the way it looked.”
It’s a relief when my voice comes out sounding devoid of emotion. If he thinks he can waltz in here with some half-assed explanation, and I’ll fall all over him, Rowan has another thing coming.
“I know.” There’s a moment of silence before he admits softly, “That was the plan. I wanted you to find us together.”
What?
For a beat, maybe two, my mind cartwheels, and all I can do is stare.
He wanted me to find them?
I shake my head as my brows slam together. It’s almost impossible to wrap my lips around the question. “You deliberately set out to hurt me?”
My throat grows scratchy as thick emotion wells in the middle of it.
“No.” There’s a pause before he hastily amends, “I mean, yes.” Frustration vibrates off him in suffocating waves as he yanks off his black Wildcats ball cap and drags a hand through his long blond hair. “I wanted to make sure you would be pissed off and never talk to me again.”
Un-fucking-believable.
“Well,” I force out a mirthless laugh, “you got what you wanted.” I rise unsteadily to my feet. “I’m not sure why you felt the need to come here and share this with me, but I think you should leave.”
Desperation flares in his eyes as he jumps to his feet. “Please, Demi. Hear me out!” In two long-legged strides, he eats up the distance between us. “I’m doing a shit job of explaining this.”
I hold up a hand, not wanting him any closer. “I assume that’s because there’s no way to justify why you would do something so fucked up.”
When I try to move past him, his fingers lock around my wrist. All it takes is one tug to drag me closer. The force of the movement sends me stumbling, and I lose my balance before crashing into him. My hands go to his chest in an attempt to shove my way free. Instead of releasing me, his arms lock around my body until I’m rendered powerless.
“Your five minutes are up. You need to leave.” If it were possible to move my leg, I would knee him in the balls. He deserves that and so much more for the pain he’s caused. Refusing to make this easy, I struggle against the hold he has on me. Rowan made his choice, and now I’m making mine.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he says with a grunt, attempting to subdue my movements.
“Ha!” Disbelief bubbles up in my throat. How did I not realize Rowan was delusional? “So, let me understand this correctly,” I snap, “your idea of doing the right thing was to hurt me by messing around with one of my teammates? The very same teammate, I’ll remind you, that has been gunning for me both on and off the field. Wow!” Bitterness drips from every word. “How very thoughtful of you.”
The air deflates from his lungs as he exhales. “Well, when you put it like that, it doesn’t sound good.”
“No,” I agree flatly, “it really doesn’t.”
“At the end of the day, all I wanted was to protect you.” Weariness flashes across his face. “Maybe I went about it the wrong way.”
His strange explanation knocks me off-balance, and I still. “Protect me? From what?”
“My past.”
“I don’t understand.” My brows draw together as I search his eyes for clues. “Why would I need protecting from your past?”
Rowan glances away as embarrassment floods his features and darkens his cheeks. “There’s a reason I don’t talk about my family.”
That’s something I’ve noticed. The times I’ve tried to dig deeper, he immediately shuts down and changes the subject. Instead of pushing the issue, I backed off, assuming Rowan would open up when he was comfortable. That never occurred. I know as much about his personal history now as I did before.
“It’s difficult to talk about,” he mutters. “I never wanted you to find out about my father.”
“Rowan,” I say softly, the sharpest parts of my anger dissolving, “you don’t have to tell me.” This is clearly a painful subject for him. Even though I want to understand how his family impacted our relationship or why he set out to hurt me, maybe it no longer matters. What we need is closure