I do, but I can’t shake the worry that she might be missing. If there’s a chance I was the last person to see her, I feel it’s my duty to do something about that. And two, I’m worried about Pam. You’re right, of course—nothing can justify what she did. Jim Palmer’s never coming back. But I don’t believe she’d just shoot a man in cold blood, not without a good reason. If Pam really did have some type of psychotic break, or if she knew Mr. Palmer and thought she was avenging some wrong, then it seems like that should be taken into consideration at her sentencing.”
Her face softened. “You really do care about her. Why?”
“I’ve heard the justice system isn’t always fair here, so if I can help Pam in any way, then I aim to do it.”
She pursed her lips for a moment, then grimaced and motioned for me to sit back down. “I may regret this, but I guess you’ve fooled me too.”
I stayed in place. “I’m not trying to fool anyone, Miss Selena.”
“Okay, poor choice of words,” she said. “I’m a math teacher, not an English professor. I deal with numbers and logic, not daydreams and fancy thinkin’.”
I gave her a long look, then sat down. “Sometimes daydreams become reality. Do you know anything that could help Pam? Sandy said she was taking medication for depression.”
“Not lately she wasn’t. Rob insisted that taking an antidepressant was a sign of weakness. He told her it was all in her head.”
I pulled my small notebook out of my purse and turned to the next available page. “When did she start taking them?” I asked, uncapping my pen.
“You’re takin’ notes?”
“We have to present a clear, accurate account. You bet I’m taking notes.”
The suspicion had returned to her eyes, but she continued. “Around the time of Thad’s accident. She’d been havin’ a rough time leading up to it. He was givin’ her and Rob fits with his bad behavior. Drinkin’ and sassin’. Gettin’ in trouble at school. Rob blamed her for it, of course. Said her coddlin’ was part of the problem and she needed to let him handle it, but his way of handlin’ it was with a belt and his hand. He beat that child badly enough that one of the teachers at the middle school turned them in to child protective services. The social worker made a home visit, but Rob convinced them he was exercising his parental rights and it didn’t cross the line into child abuse. It scared Pam something fierce, knowing she’d nearly lost him and Ricky too, and Thad rebelled even more. Then he and his friend got drunk and stole Pam’s minivan. They hit that poor man on Highway 25 out on the way to the overlook. If she was depressed before, she fell into a pit of grief after. Thad and his friend were hurt, but not as badly as that unlucky man in the other car. They were all in the same hospital in Greeneville, and Pam had to see the poor man’s family and deal with their anger. She couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. Her doctor put her on some type of medication, but she wouldn’t tell me what. She hid it from Rob, and I didn’t even know she was still takin’ the pills until she told me about three months ago that Rob had found out and belittled her. She quit cold turkey and was nearly suicidal, but it all worked out. Or so I thought until I heard about that poor insurance agent.”
We were both silent for a moment, the only sound was my pen on paper as I hurried to make notes.
“So it really might have been some kind of psychotic break,” I said. “You can’t just quit those kind of drugs. You have to be weaned.”
“I tried to tell her that,” Selena said. “But Rob insisted.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” I said, “why did she stay with him? It sounds like she wasn’t happy.”
“And where would she go?” Selena asked. “She used to run a home daycare, but to do that you need a house, and there was no way Rob would let her keep the house. He would have kicked her out, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have let her take the boys. Those kids were her whole world. She stayed so she wouldn’t lose them.”
I pushed back my rising despair. There was so much poverty here, so many women trapped