the rest of it..ugh,” I buried my face in my hands.
I had come clean to them about everything, and while it was nice to be able to talk to them about it, it didn’t do much to lessen the sting of my regrets.
“You were angry,” Jada offered.
“And maybe a little in love,” Elaina said with hope.
I turned to stomp back towards the house with them following behind. “It sure didn’t feel like love in the beginning. And by the time I did come around to what I might feel for Leonardo, he had already made his choice. I should have known all along he’d never grow up enough to...to...ah! I don’t even know what I expected...or what I wanted!”
I huffed and flailed my arms in frustration just as we reached a clearing in the trees that gave us a perfect view of the Valencia estate. I couldn’t help but to stop and stare, imagining Leo inside probably dutifully doing everything his mother asked to lessen his own remorse.
“What if it’s as bad as Jorge said it would be?” I wondered out loud. “If we’re rejected by everyone.”
“Marco and Felix assure me that could never happen as long as our families are tied through our marriage,” Elaina assured me. “Then there’s Jada’s arrangement. That will only help matters.”
Jada looked away, wringing her hands in front of her. She had accepted her fate and was even becoming a little excited to meet her husband to be. But it only added to my guilt. Elaina’s insistence on her being married off instead of me hinged on whatever hopes she had for Leo and I. All of that was squashed now, and aside from having wasted our money on the start of the now abandoned fence and running our name through the dirt, I felt more useless than ever.
My sisters urged me to move on from gawking at the taunting Valencia estate. We went back home to make crumb sandwiches for lunch, which we enjoyed around the table with Mama. Our meals together had always done so much to lift our spirits no matter what we were going through, but even that felt tainted now. Everything was darkened by my thoughts of Leo and that terrible last day at the creek. To have gone from such unbridled pleasure to complete shame so fast was traumatic to say the least.
Our mother decided to lay down for a nap after we ate, leaving me and my sisters alone again. They did their best to cheer me up. They reminded me how we had come from absolutely nothing - resorting to selling ourselves off at the auction just to make ends meet. No matter what had happened with the Valencias, we still had our inheritance and our estate. And we had hope for what the future could hold. We had each other. According to them, there was really nothing so bad to be upset about at all.
I didn’t bother telling them how my body still longed for Leo, and my heart ached for his absence. I had avoided admitting to how I felt for so long, and now that it had been unleashed, there didn’t seem to be any hope of cramming it all back inside. I tried to cling to every bad memory of Leo, because there were plenty to choose from. I hoped that would be enough to bring me to my senses. But looking back, so much of my hatred and vengeance against him eventually became fueled by nothing more than my desire for him. Now it seemed like nothing would ever be the same, even without him.
Elaina stayed longer than usual that day, and I suspected it was out of a sense of obligation to me. She didn’t seem to be able to let things rest until I at least faked feeling better again. She had left the baby with a caregiver earlier in the day, but soon had her brought to our house so she could visit with Mama once she had woken up from her nap. As the day went on, I did find my spirits lifting a little. I just suspected that once I was alone in my room again later that night, all of my despair would return.
As Jada and Elaina started preparing dinner, and Mama played with the baby on a blanket spread in the floor, I worked my way around the hacienda to water all of the plants. I had just started on the big pots that