of my bed.
“It’s no one’s fault,” Dad told us. “For a long time, I blamed myself. I thought maybe I’d pressured her into marriage too soon. Pressured her into a family before she was ready. Didn’t give her enough freedom or encouragement or love or a hundred other things I could have done differently. But the books I’ve been reading helped me to see it was never about us. It was about her. It was her choice to go and nothing we could have done or said could have made her stay. We may not ever know the reasons why she left, but it was never your fault.”
Dad pulled us into a tight hug, kissing the tops of our heads.
“I used to think,” I said, scrubbing the tears off my eyes, “that I could find her and make her tell me why she left. That’s the real reason I’ve wanted to go to Costa Rica all this time.”
Dad smiled sadly at me. “I know. Your mom talked about Costa Rica a lot, so I figured your interest in it had something to do with that. I guess that’s why I’ve been afraid to let you go, that maybe you’d find her and decide to stay too.”
“I’m not like her.”
He rubbed a hand over my cheek. “No, you’re not. You care too deeply about the people you love to hurt them.” He took a deep breath, as if what he were about to say would hurt him. “But I shouldn’t try to keep you from following your dreams. If you want to go to Costa Rica, to work with the medical program there, I’ll give you my full support. But I’ll miss you like crazy.”
Ian made a face. “I won’t. I could use a summer free of annoying older sisters.”
I bopped him over the head with my pillow. “Maybe I’ll stick around here then, to annoy you as much as possible.”
Ian jumped up from the bed, apparently having had his fill of touchy-feely family time. He was still a thirteen-year-old boy. “I’m getting out of here while I still can,” he said as he dashed toward the door.
I smiled at the empty doorway. He may be aggravating sometimes, but I loved the kid to death.
“What happened to your map?” Dad asked, staring up at the wall over the bed.
I shrugged. “I tore it down. It doesn’t matter much anymore. It was a stupid idea. Mom could be anywhere in the entire world. I’ll never actually find her.”
Dad squeezed my hand. “Just because you may not find your mom doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. You’re going to be a great doctor one day and you could learn a lot on that trip. Not only educational things, but things about yourself. Don’t be afraid to go because you think you might fail.”
I traced a line in my comforter with one finger. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What makes you keep trying to find love, even after everything you’ve been through? Why aren’t you so angry and hurt that you shut yourself off from everyone else?”
Dad was quiet for a moment, his gaze focused on the thumbtacks still attached to the wall. “For a while, I was very angry and didn’t want anything to do with anyone. But over time I realized I couldn’t shut myself off from contact with other people. I couldn’t let this one failed relationship define the rest of my life. One day you and Ian will leave and create your own lives. I don’t want to be stuck here alone and miserable because I was too afraid of being hurt again to take another chance.”
He smiled sadly at me. “I don’t want you to be afraid to take a chance either. Your mom and I didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean every relationship ends up the same way.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I managed a small smile at him. “You know, maybe Trisha isn’t that bad. As far as the women you’ve dated go, she’s one of the better ones.”
Surprise washed across his face, quickly replaced by happiness. “She’s really great. I wouldn’t let her stick around if she wasn’t.”
Ian bounded back into my room, carrying a gift box in one hand. “If you don’t hurry up and open this Mother’s Day gift I got you, I’m returning it. I could easily find something else to spend the money on.”
I reached for the gift, shooting him a stern look. “You return my gift and I’ll return you. I’m sure