in the plastic seat cover. “So what happens if you don’t make it there? Will your entire future fall apart?”
I thought about his question for a moment before answering. Mom was the only one who could tell us why she had decided running away was better than staying. Maybe Mom was in Costa Rica living the life she had dreamed or maybe she was somewhere else. But this was the only clue I had in finding her and getting some answers so we could all move on.
“No, I guess everything would be fine if I don’t go. Or at least, everything will be the same as it has been.”
“Which is not quite fine?”
I shrugged, unable to meet his gaze. “Nothing has been fine for four years now.”
We were quiet for a long time as I drove through the darkened streets. It was almost peaceful, sitting here in my car with Zac and neither us saying a word. Only the radio’s low hum filled the silence.
“Parents don’t always realize how they hurt their kids by the things they do,” Zac told me. He stared straight ahead, his fingers moving back and forth across his thigh, tracing the lines of the denim. “They make mistakes. Big ones.”
“Sometimes mistakes can’t be forgiven,” I said.
“No,” he agreed. “Sometimes they can’t.”
I spoke the words I’d never spoken to anyone before, not even to Molly. “Sometimes I wish I could forget everything about her.”
He turned toward me and it seemed as if his gaze could see right through me.
“Do you really mean that?”
“Sometimes, yes. I don’t like to think about what she did to my dad or how my brother cried for months. It’s better for all of us if we pretend she was never there. A myth, you know? Although some of us seem to want to forget more than others.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
I sighed, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. “My dad. He’s seeing this woman and it seems serious. I don’t understand how he can put himself back out there. Like he doesn’t remember how much my mom hurt him.”
“Maybe he’s lonely,” Zac suggested. “Maybe your dad chooses to remember the good times of being in love and he wants to experience that again.”
“But he needs to remember the bad parts. That way he won’t open himself up to that pain again.”
Zac gave me a half-smile. “I certainly picked the best business partner to start up a matchmaking service with, didn’t I?”
I laughed a little. “I tried to warn you. Why let yourself be vulnerable? It’s better to go through life without letting all these hormones rule us and make us do crazy things.”
Zac reached over and squeezed my hand. “Sometimes relationships are more than hormones, you know.”
My skin felt as if it were on fire where Zac had touched me.
Hormones, I reminded myself. It was all hormones.
“Sometimes it’s a deep connection between two people,” Zac said. “It’s…I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But I know it’s more than hormones.”
The glow of the passing streetlights reflected back at me in Zac’s dark eyes when I glanced at him. I looked at him across the small distance between us, feeling as if I, like those stupid teen magazines said, were getting lost in his eyes. My thoughts were cloudy and I couldn’t remember where we were, as if the rest of the world around us had disappeared. Suddenly only one thought made any sense in my head.
What would it be like to kiss Zac Greeley?
* * *
I couldn’t focus on Zac’s comedy routine. My bones felt as if they were about to burst out of my body. My fingers drummed on my leg, tapping out a steady rhythm over and over again. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.
It took several moments before I realized all attention in the room had turned to me. Every head had swiveled in my direction, all smiling and faces shining. Some called out to me, “Come on, get up there!” and “You can do it!” They clapped as if in encouragement.
From the stage, Zac waved one arm, beckoning me toward him. “Come on up here, Avery! Don’t be shy.”
Oh, no. This was not happening. It was one thing for me to go on stage to deliver a speech after careful planning and consideration, knowing exactly what would happen while I was up there, but being ambushed was not my idea of fun. The cheers grew louder and now everyone was chanting, “A-ver-y!