The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,40
asking everyone to stop bothering you.
Me: Is this really how you do things?
Conor: Normally no, but these are extenuating circumstances.
Me: Extenuating circumstances? What does that mean?
Conor: It means that I want to see you, and you’ve left me no other way to do that.
Me: Option B might have been taking the hint that I don’t want to see you and leaving me alone.
Conor: But you do want to see me. I know you do.
Me: Is this part of some Becoming-An-Alpha series? When the girl ignores you, just do anything you have to to get her to talk to you?
Conor: Only if the girl’s shown signs that she’s into you. Otherwise that’s just stalking, and stalking isn’t being an alpha, it’s a crime, and I don’t support that.
Me: Signs? What signs?
Conor: Now who’s being petty?
This is infuriating.
Me: This is going nowhere. So where do we go from here?
Conor: You go out with me and come on my show.
Me: So you’re blackmailing me to go out with you, too? This is very not alpha of you.
Conor: I’m offering you a chance. Just take it. Go out with me, just one time, and agree to come on my show. Then all the messages will stop, trust me.
This is blackmail. This is desperate. This is maddening. There’s no way I’m going to say. . .
Me: Fine. Message me when and where.
Conor: Saturday for when. I’ll see about where and message you.
Me: Aright. Now call the alpha dogs off.
Conor: Done.
I hate myself sometimes.
Shoshana
“I’ve never seen skeletons having sex before.”
“Are you kidding me?”
I just got to our date—though I’m not sure it’s a date if you’ve been basically extorted to get you there. I’m like some romantic hostage, only no one’s going to rescue me or pay my ransom. But as I step out of the Uber, it’s not how he got me here that’s shocking to me, it’s where ‘here’ is.
The Museum of Sex. Our date is at the Museum of Sex in New York City.
Now I’m wondering how the hell I didn’t actually Google the place when he sent me the address. I’m at a museum dedicated to screwing. Actually, now that I hear it in my head, it’s starting to grow on me.
“Why here?”
“I don’t know,” he says, shrugging. “I thought it might be fun.”
“Oh, I get it.”
“Get what?” he asks.
“Is this where you take all the girls? This is part of your game, isn’t it? Send a random address, the girl shows up and ‘oh my God, he’s taking me to a sex museum, he must have so much confidence. . .’ — panties hit the floor. Am I close?”
“Not at all,” he says with a huge grin. “But I like your fake Insta ho voice, you do that a little too well.”
“Wow. I think you just called me a ho. But then again I’m sure you’re an expert on what they sound like.”
He turns and looks down on me, literally and I’m pretty sure metaphorically also. It’s the first time I’ve seen his green eyes in a long time. It’s not the same on video—the eyes don’t pop in the same way and the chisel of his face isn’t as defined. His videos dull the things that make him so beautiful—and he is beautiful.
Too bad he’s such as dick. I wish he’d just be himself.
“Are you planning on punishing me this entire date?”
“That depends,” I tell him. “How long do you plan on keeping me captive?”
When he smiles, it brings out his features even more than when he’s trying to be serious. “You’re being so dramatic. If we ever go to war, and you’re actually taken captive, I promise you that you won’t be taken to a nice museum and an even nicer dinner.”
“A nice museum? Really? Conor, there are framed cock-rings all over the walls, for God’s sake.”
“Well. . .they’re nice cock rings.”
If only my eyes could literally roll into the back of my head. “Please tell me you don’t have Alpha cock rings?”
“Hey now. . .”
“Stop it, I was joking. Do not credit me for adding that to your merch.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take all the credit.” Ughh. I bet you will. “And don’t pretend you’re offended, you’re not a prude—I’ve seen those sexy editions of your show. Trust me, you can handle everything this place has to offer.And as far as your assumptions about me, this is not the place I bring all the girls, alright. I don’t have some stock date I go on.”