The Boyfriend Designer - Christopher Harlan Page 0,39
off right after I started because of a bad breakup.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. That one is a longer story, but I have to put on my apron in about. . . now, actually.”
“I understand. I had a real job too before I started working for Tori.”
“Tori?”
“Klein. She hosts a podcast called. . .”
“Women on D*cks! I love that podcast. You know her?”
“She’s my best friend in the entire world. I just left her a little while ago. I did the editing on her vlogs before she encouraged me to start my own channel.”
“Wow. That’s amazing. I wish I was you two—getting paid to talk about the kind of things we’re talking about right now.”
Lightbulb. It’s dim and flickering, but it’s going off.
“Look, before you get to dealing with your very angry customers let me tell you something. I’m still basically brand new to this. I’ve been lucky. But the only reason I started doing my own thing was because someone I trusted believed in me and told me that I could. I was skeptical, but then I actually got after it, and it was one of the best decisions of my life.”
“Okay. . .”
“I should get to the point and stop talking about myself, right? What I’m trying to say is that you have a gift for storytelling. You’re funny, and you know how to tell a story, and you’re clearly ambitious enough to write for other people and gather three thousand who want to read your stuff every week. You should take that more seriously. Tell your stories. People will listen, I promise.”
She looks at me like no one has ever said anything like this to her before—like someone who’s told their Ivy League educated parents that they want to start a rock band instead of going to college, only to be yelled and laughed out of the room. “Wow. Thank you. Maybe I will.”
“Good. Now go get to your drug dealing, I have something I have to take care of.”
“I will. And thank you, for everything.” She starts to walk away and then stops herself a few feet from the pre-made sandwiches and granola bars. “Hey, can I. . . No, sorry, that’s inappropriate.”
“Sabina, inappropriate is my middle name. Well, not really, it’s Rose, but you know what I’m saying. What is it?”
“Can I contact you some time? You know, for advice. Or maybe even encouragement.”
“Of course you can. Here.”
I give her my number and she goes back to the grind. I have my own grind ahead of me, but talking to Sabina calmed me down and made me laugh—those are always two things that’ll be important to me.
And now, back to this Conor Challenge crap.
Shoshana
“No, Captain Cocky.”
Me (angrily): Twenty minutes to return a message? Are you joking?
Conor: Not as bad as the four weeks you made me wait.
Me (even more angrily): You can’t be this petty? Like, it isn’t humanly possible.
Conor: What you call petty I call persistent. Tomato-TOE-MAH-TOE
Me: No one says toe-mah-toe, first of all, so stop that, and I thought no one would be as petty as to wait twenty minutes after it said ‘read’ to respond back.
Conor: I was busy. I’m not just sitting around waiting for you to message me, you know.
Me: Busy making more videos about me?
Conor: A little self-centered, no?
Me: Apparently not, when the last video you made was of me.
Conor: So how can I help you?
Me: How can you help me? Really? How about you start by calling off your stupid alpha mutts? This whole challenge thing is a terrible idea.
Conor: Coming on my show? Seeing me again? Having to defend your ideas? Which of those things is so horrible?
Me: All but the last one.
Conor: Unfortunately, you need the first two to do the third. But if I were you, I’d just say yes.
Me: I bet you say that to all the girls.
Conor: Trust me, I don’t have to — they say yes on their own—plenty of them.
Me: Ah. Do they call you ‘pack leader’ while you’re banging them?
Conor: Thinking about me having sex, are you? Interesting.
Me: I’m always thinking about you having sex, so there!
Shit!
Conor: Huh? Did you mean to write that?
Me: No, Captain Cocky. Obviously, that was auto-correct.
Conor: Your phone auto-corrects whole sentences? Which version of the iPhone is that?
Me: Yeah. The new IOS update, you know. Brand new, not even out yet. Anyhow, stop changing the subject. Let’s stick to this Conor Challenge thing.
Conor: It’s a simple challenge. Just say yes and I can make a video