she came up the stairs and into the bedroom and she gave a start when she saw him by the window, the sun behind him and the rest of him, he knew, just a silhouette to her. But she made a quick recovery. She said, "Here you are," and she smiled as if nothing was wrong, and for that single moment how he wanted to believe that she had not given him up to the police.
He said nothing as he tried to gather his wits together. She brushed an errant lock of hair from her cheek. She said his name, and when he didn't reply, she took a step towards him and said, "Is something wrong, Gordon?"
Something. Everything. Had there been a moment when he'd thought that things could ever be right? And why had he thought that? A woman's smile, perhaps, the touch of a hand that was soft and smooth against his skin, his hands on the fullness of hips or buttocks, his mouth on the sweetness of breasts ...Had he been so much of a fool that the mere act of having a woman somehow could obliterate all that had gone before?
He wondered what Gina knew at this point. The fact that she was here suggested it was little enough, but the fact that she had possibly - probably - found the rail tickets, found the hotel's receipt, keeping them close to her until she could use them to harm him ...And why had he not thrown them away on the platform in Sway upon his return? That was the real question.
Had he only thought to do so, he and this woman would not be standing here in this bedroom, in the insufferable summer heat, facing each other with the sin of betrayal in both of their hearts, not only in hers, because he could not claim she was the only sinner.
He hadn't thrown the tickets away on the station platform and he hadn't rid himself of the receipt because he hadn't considered that something might happen to Jemima, that his possession of those bits of paper might damn him, that Gina might find them and keep them and say nothing about his lie to her of having gone to Holland, allowing him to dig himself in deeper and deeper and still not saying a word about what she knew about where he had really been, which was not in Holland, not on a farm talking to someone about reeds, not out of the country at all but rather in the heart of a London cemetery trying to wrest from Jemima's possession those things she could use to destroy him if she chose.
Gina said, "Gordon, why're you not answering me? Why're you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like you're ..." She brushed at her hair again, although this time none of it was out of place. Her lips curved but her smile faltered. "Why won't you answer? Why're you staring? Is something wrong?"
"I went to talk to her, Gina," he said. "That's all I did."
She furrowed her brow. "Who?"
"I needed to talk to her. She agreed to meet me. I didn't tell you only because there was no reason to tell you. It was over between us, but she had something of mine that I wanted back."
She said, the realisation apparently coming to her, "You saw Jemima? When?"
He said, "Don't pretend you haven't sussed that. Rob Hastings was here."
She said, "Gordon, I don't see how ...Rob Hastings?" She gave a small laugh but it held no humour. "You know, you're actually frightening me. You sound ...I don't know ...fierce?
Did Rob Hastings say something to you about me? Did he do something? Did you argue with him?"
"He told me about the rail tickets and the hotel receipt."
"What rail tickets? What hotel receipt?"
"The ones you found. The ones you handed over."
Her hand rose. She placed the tips of her fingers between her breasts. She said, "Gordon, honestly. You're ...What are you talking about? Did Rob Hastings claim that I gave him something? Something of yours?"
"The cops," he said.
"What about them?"
"You gave the rail tickets and that hotel receipt to the cops. But if you'd asked me about them instead, I would have told you the truth. I didn't before this because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to think there might still be something between us, because there wasn't."
Gina's eyes - wide, blue, more beautiful than the northern sky - observed him as her head