thought aloud.
“Bullshit!” Gene exclaimed. “Why does it have to be just those two choices! Man, I’ve been thinking. If we got together we could move to Las Vegas, Santa Fe, maybe even Albuquerque. There’s work there, we could rent—”
Andrew and León were looking at their brother intently. His forwardness and audacity often caught them off guard.
“Man, we could save up, buy a car, women—”
“Yeah, Gene,” León nodded.
“It’d be great,” Andrew agreed.
“We could go to Denver, Frisco, hell the sky’s the limit!” His voice quavered. His excitement carried to his brothers.
“Gene, you’ve got beautiful ideas!” León beamed. He was proud of his brother. He himself would never have dared to think so far.
“Well let’s not just sit around and talk about it, let’s do it! Let’s cut out! Move!”
“I can see the action now,” León rubbed his hands, “money, booze, women—”
“Yeah! You’re my boy!” Gene socked him.
“What about the folks?” It was Andrew who asked. They were quiet momentarily.
“Hell, Andy, they’re doing okay,” Gene said. “Ain’t the old man working steady. We’ll send them money when we can—”
“I didn’t mean that,” Andrew said.
“What?” I waited. I knew what he meant.
“I mean papá’s dream about moving to California, and mamá wanting us to settle along the valley—” he said. They looked at each other uneasily. All their lives they had lived with the dreams of their father and mother haunting them, like they haunted me.
“Hell, Andy,” Gene said softly, “we can’t build our lives on their dreams. We’re men, Andy, we’re not boys any longer. We can’t be tied down to old dreams—”
“Yeah,” Andrew answered, “I guess inside I know you’re right.” I felt very sad when he said that. I did not want to lose my brothers again.
“And, they still have Tony,” Gene said and looked at me. “Tony will be her priest,” he laughed.
“Tony will be her farmer,” León added.
“And her dream will be complete and we will be free!” Gene shouted.
“Yahooooooo!” They jumped and shouted with joy. They danced and wrestled each other, and they rolled on the ground like wild animals, shouting and laughing.
“What’da yah say, Tony, you goin’ be her priest!” “Bless us, Tony!” They knelt on the ground and raised their arms up and then down towards me. I grew frightened at their wild actions, but I found enough strength to shout at them.
“I will bless you!” I cried and made the sign of the cross, like I had done in the dream.
“You little bastard!” they laughed. They grabbed me, took off my pants and took turns spanking me. Then they tossed me on the roof of the chicken coop.
“This calls for a celebration!” Gene shouted.
“Yeah!”
“I will bless you!” I cried down at the three, giant figures, but they took no heed of me.
“Hey! We’ll have to say goodbye to the girls at Rosie’s!” Gene laughed and they both socked Andrew on the shoulder. Andrew grinned.
I remembered when we took our cow to Serrano’s bull. It was a cold, misty Saturday. When the bull smelled the cow he jumped his pasture fence and came towards the truck. He circled us, snorting and pawing at the ground. I was very frightened. Finally we could open the tailgate of the truck and let the cow out. Immediately the massive weight of the bull was on her, humping her down, my father and Serrano were laughing and slapping their knees. They laughed until their eyes watered. Then they took turns drinking from a whiskey bottle, and they lowered their voices and talked about the girls at Rosie’s.
“Whoopeeeee!” They shouted. They were like wild bulls running down the goat path towards town.
“See you Toni-eeeeee….” they called. And their dark outlines were lost in the setting sun.
I got down and put my pants on. It hurt where they had spanked me. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh with them. There was an empty feeling inside, not because they spanked me, but because they would be gone again.
They would be lost again.
I remembered when they built our house. They were like giants then. Would they always be lost to me?
I wanted to cry after them, I bless you.
Nueve
In the dark mist of my dreams I saw my brothers. The three dark figures silently beckoned me to follow them. They led me over the goat path, across the bridge, to the house of the sinful women. We walked across the well-worn path in silence. The door to Rosie’s house opened and I caught a glimpse of the women who lived there.