tolerate us, even for a visit. For goodness’ sake, I was the one who convinced my family to finally leave.” He clasped my hands tightly. “I can’t go back there. Not now . . . maybe not ever.”
I dropped my head but tried to not look too disappointed. Running off had caused much more of a mess than I’d bargained for, and I kept worrying I was taking things away from Silas instead of adding to his life. I didn’t want this to be something else he worried about for my sake.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll write Valentina and try to be a comfort that way.”
He kissed my forehead. “I hate to say no. For now, we need to take time for ourselves, start our lives.” He smiled. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for you for ages.”
“Well, not much longer, sir.”
“Not much longer at all.” He smiled, and the world felt right. I couldn’t wait to become an Eastoffe.
“By the way,” I said, walking back to the manor, “Delia Grace, who has been gifted a dress by the king, has heard rumors I’m to be married, and is very concerned about their validity.”
He laughed heartily. “I’ll bet she is. Tell her you actually ran off with some gypsies. Oh! No, no! Tell her you joined the monks of Catal and are now living out of a cave. I’ve got tools! We could carve your letter into a rock!”
“If we find any big enough.”
I walked back, thinking I did need to tell Valentina something to encourage her, and I knew Delia Grace was probably pacing her room at this very moment wondering if I was a married woman or not.
Still, with all of that, there was only one letter I could think about writing today.
Blessed Mother and Father,
I’m sorry. I know I have disappointed you, not only with refusing to marry the king, but with the several years of squandered attention that led up to today. I rarely behaved the way you wished I would. Some of that is simply my nature, but the rest, I cannot explain. I didn’t aim to be unruly. I simply wanted to find the joy in everything, and it’s difficult to do that while sitting still and saying nothing. I apologize for letting you down.
I can’t undo what’s been done, but I do believe, in my heart of hearts, that His Majesty will find someone far better to wed, someone who will be a superior leader for Coroa. Even with my best intentions, my leadership would have proven disastrous, and I hope that my absence from my king’s life will ultimately benefit the people of Coroa far more than my presence in it would have.
I believe I’ve found my equal in Silas Eastoffe. I know you’re unhappy because he doesn’t exactly live like a gentleman, even though his family is an old one in Isolte. And I know you’re not pleased because he isn’t Coroan, but I think this snubbing of Isoltens has gotten our people nowhere. The handful I truly know, I really care for. And I can’t pretend I don’t know better anymore.
I love Silas, and I’m marrying him in two days. I’m sending this to you as a last hope that you will find a way to forgive me and be present on the most important day of my life.
No, I wasn’t the boy you hoped for. No, I didn’t become queen. And yes, I shamed our family publicly. But why does any of this matter? The games of court will put you into an early grave if you let yourself be swept up in them. You are still members of one of the strongest family lines in Coroa. You still have land and assets that put you above the majority of the country. And you still have a daughter who desperately wants to be in your lives. Please consider coming to my wedding. If not, I will wait until you are ready to see me again, trusting that this day will come. I may be poor in many other skills, but I’ve become exceedingly talented at hoping.
Two days from now, five in the evening at Abicrest Manor.
With all my love,
Your Daughter Hollis
Thirty-One
“WITH THIS RING, I TAKE thee, Hollis Brite, as my wife. With my body, I swear to you my loyal service. With my heart, I swear to you my unending faithfulness. And with my life, I swear to you my devoted provision, for as long as our God should