walked in and as he closed the door she took in the sight of him. His clothes hung on him and he looked like he’d lost weight. And he hadn’t needed to lose any.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.
“No, I’m fine. What’s wrong, Owen?”
He gave her a wry smile. “Oh, you would know as well as anyone that the past couple of months have been kind of stressful. More for you than me.”
That was bullshit. He should have been tanned. He should look healthy, even if he did feel guilty about dumping her. What he looked like wasn’t normal. Not even for a guilty man.
She wanted to be angry. She wanted to shout at him and tell him how he’d broken her heart. But looking at him now, he wasn’t the same Owen she’d always known. Something was definitely wrong with him and she needed to know what it was.
He sat next to her on the sofa, not close.
“I hurt you,” he said. “Let’s talk about that first.”
She shook her head. “No, you tell me what’s going on with you.”
He shook his head. “My guess is you’ve had a big speech built up in your head awhile now, and you want to let me have it. I deserve it.”
He was right about that, but just seeing him made her anger dissipate. How could she scream at someone who was so obviously ill?
“I’ll save the histrionics for later. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
He blew out a breath. “Fine. So, I’m sick.”
Her stomach clenched. “Define sick.”
“I have cancer.”
Oh, God. Her heart started drumming that fast rhythm again. “Cancer.”
“Yeah. Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”
“Okay, I don’t know anything about that.”
“It’s a cancer in the lymph nodes. But totally treatable, so I’m gonna be fine.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” The pieces started to fall together. “You knew. Before the wedding.”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have faced it together.”
“Come on, Erin. I didn’t want you to have to deal with that.”
Now she was angry. “Oh, you think I only wanted to marry a healthy guy? The ‘in sickness’ part of ‘in sickness and in health’ didn’t mean anything? How little do you think of me?”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t want to burden you with what might come down the road.”
At her look, he raised his hands. “I know, I know. In retrospect, I realized I should have told you. I should have told everyone. But I didn’t. I didn’t understand what was going to happen. I had just gotten the initial diagnosis. I panicked. I didn’t even tell my parents. My friends. Anyone. You. I thought we couldn’t start our lives together like that.”
“So, what? You went through all this alone?”
Owen was always a happy, upbeat guy. But the look of utter defeat he gave her made her heart crumble. “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you confide in anyone? At least your parents?”
“I didn’t want to worry them. Not until I knew more. I figured I could maybe get through this without anyone knowing.”
She stood and started to pace. “Are you kidding me? Cancer is not something you just ‘get through’ by yourself, Owen. You need a support system. You need people around you who care about you, to help care for you.”
“I’ve kind of figured that out now.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t have my shit together before. I told you I panicked. And while you thought I bailed and left to go on our honeymoon, I was getting treatment. I kind of lied to you in that shitty e-mail I sent you.”
Which made her even angrier at him. “I could have been with you. You do realize we could have canceled the wedding. Hell, I did cancel the wedding. The only difference was that you dumped me and decided to go through all this without me. And why? Because you didn’t love me enough. You didn’t trust me enough to see it through with you.”
He picked up the glass of water on the table and took a long swallow, then set it down. “We hadn’t been talking much. Your head was filled with wedding things. You were so happy. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t sure about us.”
Now the truth was coming out, and she couldn’t deny how much that hurt. “You weren’t sure about us? About how you felt about me, you mean.”
“Yeah. I mean, no. I don’t know how to explain it.”
After all this time, all her reflection about the two of