with Finn.
“No, we’re good.”
Alice cocked her head to the side. “You know, a good friend of mine once told me that I should face my feelings. Are you in avoidance?”
Alice was a good friend. A friend who was right. But now wasn’t the time.
“You do realize this is your engagement party, right?”
“And you do realize that we’re friends, and I’m here for you, no matter what or when. So spill it.”
She sighed, realizing she wasn’t going to be able to back her way out of having this conversation with Alice. “Okay. I’ve got some mixed emotions going on. Feelings that I don’t know what to do with or think about. You know how you get into a relationship that starts out one way, and then suddenly it turns out another way entirely—a way you didn’t expect at all?”
Alice beamed a smile. “Oh, yes. I’m marrying that guy.”
That answer hit like a building falling on top of her. “Okay, that’s not what’s happening to me.”
“So what is happening? Are you saying you don’t have feelings for Jason?”
“Well, I’m not saying that, either.”
Alice shrugged. “I’m confused.”
“Me, too. Let’s just say I’m still trying to reconcile the past relationship, while trying to juggle the current one. And I think my feelings are getting tied up in the mix between the two.”
“So you still have feelings for Owen.”
“Oh, God no. In fact, I’m second-guessing if I ever had the right kind of feelings for Owen. Which means how do I even know what love really is?”
Alice laid her hand over Erin’s. “Oh, honey. When it’s real love? You’ll know it.”
“I thought I knew it before. That’s what I’m saying. Was I caught up in the romance of . . . romance? The whole proposal and wedding planning thing? Because while I’m pissed as hell that Owen dumped me right before the wedding, to be honest, Alice?” She looked around to make sure no one was within hearing distance. They weren’t, so she continued. “To be honest, I don’t miss Owen. I’m not heartbroken over losing him, and I should be. If I loved him, I should be nursing heartbreak. The only thing I’ve been nursing is my feelings of anger and rejection.”
“Ohh, okay. Now I’m getting it. You’re comparing your feelings for Owen versus your growing feelings for Jason, and it’s confusing you.”
“Like you would not believe.” She was so happy to have a friend who understood her dilemma.
“That is a problem. And one that’s probably not resolved easily. But, honey, I don’t think avoiding Jason is the answer.”
“Probably not. But I need some space to sort out my thoughts. My feelings. Every time I get close to Jason it’s like everything inside of me . . . short-circuits.”
Alice laughed. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
Erin quirked a smile. “Okay, not a terrible thing. But it is if I’m trying to think clearly.”
“I don’t know,” Alice said with a slight shrug. “It sounds like you might be falling in love. Is that so bad?”
Was it? She didn’t know. Maybe because she was trying to have a fling, not fall in love. And what the hell did she really know about falling in love? She’d thought she was in love with Owen. She’d been so wrong.
So was she really falling in love with Jason, or was this another round of lust and fun and infatuation and the romance of it all? Or was it hiding her feelings of rejection and turning them into something that wasn’t even real? How was she supposed to know when she wasn’t thinking with a clear head?
Until she could sort it out logically, gain some perspective, she had to keep her distance.
But it sure helped to have Alice’s counsel.
The party lasted until early evening, and then everyone headed out. Alice had to pack and Clay and his dad and some of the hands from the ranch had to see to the cattle.
Alice and Clay thanked them for the party.
“We owe you a big one,” Clay said, shaking everyone’s hands and hugging Erin, Brenna and Honor, who he’d always treated like sisters.
“I’ll talk to you when I get back,” Alice said.
“When you get back? I’ll be texting you next week. I have some dress ideas.”
Alice giggled. “Fantastic.”
Everyone disappeared after the guests of honor left. Everyone except Jason, who lingered at the barn while Erin supervised the cleanup from her position at the entrance to the barn. Of course, the crew they’d hired had it all under control and she really didn’t