reason, just a fantasy from another world.”
He came to stand next to me, but slid his hands into his pockets.
I wished he had moved closer. I wished he would touch me, but he didn’t so I didn’t, and things felt confusing for a moment.
He watched me, his eyebrows raised. “You’re drunk?”
“Tipsy.” A pause. “More than tipsy.”
“Brooke’s influence.” He sighed.
“Yes.” I nodded. “But also yours, Jonah’s, even Tanner’s. And mine. I decided to be Brooke’s test bunny.”
Now he smiled. “Test bunny? I’ve not heard that phrase.”
I lifted a shoulder. “I like it better than guinea pig. But I like guinea pigs too. They’re funny when they run and hop. Did you know they did that?”
“I didn’t, no.” His mouth wasn’t smiling anymore, but his eyes were.
I began to feel self-conscious, but in a good way, because someone I liked was giving me attention and making me happy. Butterflies were out en masse.
“I haven’t felt those in forever.”
“Those what?” Kai tipped his head, a little tilt to his mouth. He was enjoying this conversation.
I flattened my hand over my stomach. “Nothing.” I grinned, looking down. I could feel my face getting hot. “Nothing.”
“You’re teasing me.” There was a lilt of a laugh in those words. “I don’t remember the last time someone teased me.”
I’d hit his arm before I realized it. Then I blanched. “Oh—oh! Hi.” My face had to be beet red by now.
That’s when the laughter started.
And once I started, I couldn’t stop. I laughed enough that I needed to hold on to Kai’s arm.
“I”—ha!—“don’t”—hee hee—“know what’s”—snort—“gotten into”—hiccup—“me!” I gasped, sucking in air to try to drown both things at once. Once I started hiccupping, it was the same result. I was done for.
Kai stared as if my skin had turned green. Patting my back, he asked, “Am I supposed to scare you? Something with peanut butter?”
That made me laugh harder.
I shook my head, holding a hand up, which he took in his.
God. That made me swoon and laugh at the same time.
This was not something Kai had dealt with before; that was obvious. Finally, with tears streaking down my cheeks, I was able to respond. And I was officially embarrassed. I’d never laughed like this, not even with Blade or Carol.
“Sorry. So sorry. I’m under control again.”
I pulled my hand from his and rested it on his chest.
This felt good. This felt right, standing here, so close, just being normal.
I swallowed over a sudden lump.
“Sorry.” I wiped the back of my hand over my cheek.
He used his thumbs to clear the rest of my tears away. His heart picked up under my hand, and I tipped my head up, our mouths so close together, but so far apart at the same time.
He just needed to lower his an inch, or I could’ve leaned up, and our lips would’ve met.
Heat rushed through me, spiking my pulse.
He lifted his hand, touching where a lone tear lingered at the corner of my mouth. “You’re happy tonight.”
Yes. In some ways. I tilted my head back, meeting his gaze. “It was like old times with Brooke. She’s happy.”
He nodded, his eyes falling to my lips. “And that makes you happy?”
“I was hurt by her lying to me, but yeah. It does.” My throat swelled as I remembered my time with her. “She made me feel normal when I roomed with her.”
But it was more than that.
“She didn’t look at me with guilt or fear, or like she knew a secret about me that I didn’t know myself,” I continued. “That’s what all the adults did, and I wasn’t allowed friends. Not really. My mom didn’t want anyone at the house, and my dad didn’t want me at other people’s houses. He couldn’t control what I’d say.” I nodded to myself. A smile tugged at my lips. “Brooke was my first friend. She was the first to give a damn.”
“And I took her away.”
My eyes lifted to his, but I didn’t see regret or pity. Just understanding. I felt it inside of me, deep in my core.
I spread my fingers out over his chest, enjoying the feel of that thump-thump-thump. Strong and firm. Like Kai himself. Assured. Confident. He damn well knew what he wanted, and he would take it, or do it, or demand it—no matter what anyone said. He was going to do what he was going to do, and everyone else better get out of the fucking way.
I envied that about him.
If I’d been like him… Pain sliced through me.
I wasn’t in