know it was—”
Her gaze snapped to mine. “You didn’t know it was me?” Betrayal stared back at me.
“Bambi…”
She headed for the door.
“Lila, hang on, we need to talk about this.”
“No, we really don’t.” She tried to open the door.
I slammed my palm against it, stopping her. “Yes. We do.”
“You’re leaving,” she whispered without looking at me. “You’re leaving and you weren’t going to tell me, or even say goodbye, were you?”
Her words landed like a steel-toed boot to the gut.
Breaking it off with this girl, hurting her, had fucked me up more than anyone knew. Shit, she was the reason I’d been wasted last night, the reason I’d been getting wasted the last month, but she was right, I hadn’t planned to tell her. I’d never wanted anything, anyone, the way I wanted her. Talking to her, seeing her again, wasn’t a risk I’d been willing to take. I wasn’t that strong, not when it came to Lila.
She’d come here last night, driven over an hour, for me, and from the fragments that I could remember, I’d humped on her like a blow-up doll and shoved her off when I couldn’t get it up. I’d treated her like dirt. The fact I barely remembered any of it didn’t excuse that shit.
“Were you?” she said again, voice husky, pained.
“I’ve gotta go away, maybe months. Don’t know when I’ll be back.” If I’ll make it back. “And I don’t…I don’t do relationships, Bambi, that’s not me, let alone long distance,” I forced myself to say. That may be true, but honestly, I didn’t want any other woman.
The truth was, I could’ve fallen for this girl.
But I’d only end up hurting her. What did I know about relationships? It’s not like I’d had a shining example growing up.
And the shit I was about to wade into, yeah, I’d rather end it now than risk her getting caught up in it. I wouldn’t risk her getting hurt.
“Look, Lila…”
“Don’t. Please, don’t say any more.” Her lips were quivering, and there was no missing how hurt and embarrassed she was.
I wanted to pull her into my arms so bad, I shook. “Bambi…”
“I need to go.” She yanked the door open.
“Hang on…”
She ran out.
I strode after her, couldn’t stop myself. My brain roared at me to drag her back into my room, to claim her as mine, to keep hold of the best thing that had ever come into my shitty life and never let go. Instead, I stood there as she got into her car and drove away, because no matter how much I wanted her, she wasn’t for me.
Chapter Two
Lila
Three weeks later
My phone chirped in the darkness.
I blinked up at the ceiling. If it was my sister drunk-texting again, I was going to lose it. Kate was currently at the beach for her wedding anniversary and the daily recaps of her awesome time partying with her man were starting to annoy the crap out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that she and Eric were still all loved up, that they got to go away kid-free for the first time in a long time. Over the moon even, but right now, I was actively avoiding all happy couples.
I ran my hand over my eight-year-old niece Madison’s mussed, dark hair. She was curled into my side, and my heart clenched. Though, looking after Maddie was definitely no hardship.
You’re being a petty jerk.
Sighing, I snatched my phone off my bedside table.
Unknown: Hate the way we left shit, Bambi. Can’t stop thinking about it.
I stared at the screen, my heart smacking around in my chest as I read the text again. I’d deleted Jesse's number from my phone when I got back from my humiliating night at his house. He hadn’t tried to stop me when I left, and he hadn’t contacted me since.
I didn’t think I’d ever hear from him again.
Deep down I’d known it was for the best.
I’d overheard Dane tell his cousin Bull at The Thirsty Mule, the bar Bull owned, that Jesse was on the road and he didn’t know when he’d be back.
Of course, I’d known he was going away. It was the reason I’d gone to him in the first place. But hearing it from Dane had filled me equally with relief that I wouldn’t see him after what happened between us, and pain, because I wouldn’t see him after what happened between us.
I hated that I still cared.
I stared at my phone. What could I say? What was