didn't say anything as she walked out of the shop. It wasn't until my mom's silhouette had completely disappeared that I felt able to breathe again.
But my heart?
I was pretty sure she had taken it with her.
I stumbled through Friday. Whatever my professor said in class went straight in one ear and left through the other. I know that I went to class and turned in homework and remembered to eat, but beyond that, I was a walking husk. My mother consumed my every waking thought. And based on the nightmares I'd had the night before, she was consuming my non-waking thoughts as well.
So when Bryce came to pick me up, it was no surprise that he noticed right away that I wasn't feeling right.
“Did something happen?” He stepped through my doorway and pulled me into his arms before I'd given him an answer. My throat grew tight at his immediate support.
Wrapping my arms tight around his waist, I clung to him. “My mom came to visit me while I was at work this week. She tried to apologize to me.”
“Oh, baby.” he tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear. “How did that make you feel?”
I chuckled, though it was thin and weak. “What, are you my therapist now?”
He shook his head with a smile. “No, just your loving boyfriend.”
Was I ever going to get tired of hearing that? And was he using “loving” in a real sense or in a joking way? Fuck, I had too much already rattling around in my brain to look at that too hard right now.
“It's fucked me up pretty bad,” I admitted. “I mean, who is she to ask for my forgiveness? She stood by all those years and said nothing. She did nothing. And now she thinks it's okay to ask for something?”
Bryce nodded, his face gentle. “It really hurts, doesn't it? I can imagine that it feels incredibly invalidating to have someone who is supposed to support you and didn't try to erase all of that with a single apology.”
I sucked my lower lip between my teeth and nibbled. Bryce got it. That was it exactly. Somehow his knowing how I felt seemed to relieve the pressure of those same emotions.
“Thanks. It helps just to have you here.”
Bryce chucked my chin with his thumb before saying, “I hope what I have planned for tonight will make you feel a little bit better.”
Fuck, I'd almost forgotten that he had planned to introduce me to “someone special”. Nerves roared to life and it felt like I had a rock in my stomach. There was a rapid build of pressure, but at least I wasn't thinking about my mom anymore.
In the car, Bryce drummed his fingers on the wheel. He changed the radio station a half a dozen times. He shifted in his seat and he sped and he rolled through some stop signs.
“I'm sorry,” I finally said, needing to do something other than let his anxiety add to my own, “but I thought I was the one who is supposed to feel nervous. After all, I'm the one who has to meet someone special. Why are you so antsy?”
I arched my eyebrow as I stared at Bryce, punishing him with a glare until he finally cracked with a heavy sigh. “I'm taking you to meet my grandmother. She’s the only member of my family who still speaks to me. And now I'm second-guessing myself.”
Well, that totally makes me feel better. I cracked my knuckles to relieve some tension (it didn’t work) and hoped he didn't notice (my stomach was threatening to revolt). Keep it glib and maybe he won’t catch on.
“Because you're afraid I'm going to embarrass you?” Yeah, that was glib and hit a bit too close to the truth behind my nerves.
“No,” Bryce said quickly. He risked a quick look at me, his features trying desperately to convey an apology. “I'm worried that I'm going to scare you away. I'm worried that this is coming too soon. It's basically the equivalent of introducing you to the parents, except that we both have assholes for parents. We didn't really talk about it, and now I'm worried that you're going to get scared or think that I'm rushing things or—”
I placed my hand on his thigh. Strangely, being forced to reassure someone else helped calm my system. Like going from emergency red to a low, warning orange. I was still stressed as hell, but I could do support.
“You aren't scaring me,