who made me, who were supposed to love me unconditionally and instead set nothing but conditions that I didn’t meet, could just throw me away—why would anyone else stick around?
Bryce left me feeling too conflicted. And wanting—God, he left me wanting things I’d managed to live without this long. It was exhausting trying to keep up barriers around him.
Some of my walls caved before I could fortify them. Without thinking about it, I leaned toward him as well, honesty making its way past defenses. “A lot of people don't understand what it means to be an introvert. Most of the people in my life mistake my introversion for misanthropy.”
I didn’t say that this was something beyond introversion at this point. I didn't finish with what I wanted to say, which was, Why are you still here when I've been such a jerk?
Maybe I expected him to waltz over that kernel of truth. But Bryce nodded sagely. “I get that, just from the other side of things. People see my extroversion and mistake it for flirtation, for being easy. But it’s just an energy thing, you know?”
My cheeks prickled with heat. How many times had I watched him at work, or on TV, or with students here and felt angered by his flirtations, because it made me feel stupid that I got so flustered when they were directed my way? Jealous, even? But if that was the case, then was his friendliness toward me simply that? Was he simply being a kind extrovert and not actually flirting with me? Was I just like everyone else to him?
And why does that make me feel worse?
His point couldn’t go unanswered. I’d offered a glimpse into my attitude and he’d given me something in return. We stood a little closer to something strangely close to understanding.
“I don't do apologies very well because I never have to make them. But I'm sorry for judging you too quickly about the flirting. And for saying what I said about people just wanting to fuck you.” I ran my hand through my hair as I said it, feeling the weight of the words as they tumbled from my lips, and knowing that they weren’t the words I really needed to say. Hoping that Bryce would take them for the peace offering that they were.
His easy laugh helped wash away some of the strain. “I feel so honored to have one of your rare apologies,” he teased. “Don't worry about it. It's water under the bridge. Now, do you think we can go back to not avoiding each other? Even if you hate me?”
My cheeks hurt and I realized it was because I was smiling. Not a small smile but a full-faced, teeth-exposed grin.
“Yeah, that is something we can do.” A moment’s hesitation and then, “And I don’t hate you. I was just being an ass.”
Instead of launching into a discussion about our case, or making a joke, or any number of typical Bryce reactions, his gaze traveled to my lips. He studied them with hunger, not bothering to hide what he was doing. I flushed, desire pooling in my belly.
I hadn't been a virgin for a very long time. But despite having been with men twice my age, only one other man had ever made me feel unnerved with his desire. And that hadn't been a man, but the quarterback of my high school football team, who’d surprised me with a blowjob underneath the bleachers one night after practice.
I looked at Bryce's mouth in return. I couldn't help the vision of him swallowing my cock, his tongue dragging along the underside, lips wrapped tight as he sucked. My insides were quaking, and I scrabbled to find some cool, but once our gazes locked, I knew I’d been busted.
He knew. Of course he knew.
That was it—this was going too far. I was skipping class. I needed to be anywhere but where Bryce was.
“Look, can we meet Saturday to finish our case?” My mouth was dry, and my words came out in a cracking tone reminiscent of puberty. Fucking great.
“Sure,” Bryce agreed, holding out a hand for me to shake. Or, if my fantasies had their way, so he could pull me to him, bend me over the table, and fuck the daylights out of me. “Come find me at the shop.”
His knowing chuckle haunted me as I rushed from the library, adding insult to injury. He would be intolerable now that he had evidence of my attraction to him.