his hips and move against him. His eyes squeeze shut as he lets out a grunt. Then his fingers dig into my thighs and he starts to move. Not just pushing in but pulling out and then thrusting inside me.
I clutch the sheets as Antonio rocks my body. I throw my head back as the amazing friction inside me sends flames through my veins. My moans fill the air.
One hard, deep thrust and I am lost. A cry escapes my throat as I shake and shatter.
Antonio continues to move. His thrusts become quicker. His grunts grow louder. Suddenly, he captures my open mouth, stealing the air that was on its way to replace what my lungs had just lost. I don't have the strength to kiss him back.
He pulls away. "I'm... coming."
A second later, he grasps and groans against my ear. He trembles above me as his thrusts come to an end. Warmth explodes inside my belly.
After that, Antonio goes still. I stare at the ceiling as I wait for him to catch his breath so he can move. When he does, I look at his face. The fact that I no longer see suffering there turns the corners of my lips up.
My smile disappears as his features twist in worry after he pulls out. He's still staring between my legs so I lift my head and take a glance to see what's wrong. My eyebrows furrow because I don't see anything.
"What's wrong?" I ask Antonio as I close my legs.
Something warm and sticky leaks out of me.
Antonio zips his pants. "I'm sorry. I should have used a condom. I'll help you clean up."
Oh. That's what he's worried about?
He starts to walk away. I get up and grab his wrist.
"It's okay. Just stay here."
I don't really mind the mess between my legs. It's a small price to pay for all the pleasure I've just experienced. It's the first time I've felt pleasure during sex, actually. With Jim and his friends, it was always fast and rough, always about their pleasure and not mine.
I push the thought of them away. Whatever they did doesn't come close to what Antonio and I just had, and I'm not going to let even the memory of them ruin that.
Antonio climbs back into bed. I pull the blanket up to my waist, rest my head on his shoulder and place my hand on his chest. I glance at his stomach.
"Are you okay?" I ask him.
"I am now," he answers. "Thanks to you."
He looks at me and the gentleness in his eyes fills my chest with warmth. I smile.
"You're welcome."
He rests his chin on my head and rubs my shoulder as he falls silent. I can tell he's sinking into the quicksand of his thoughts again.
I'm not going to let him.
"It's not your fault," I tell him. "Whatever you think is your fault, it's not."
"Kevin is," he says sadly. "The truth is I could have saved him. I was just a few feet away from him. But I froze. I got a flashback and I froze."
"A flashback?" I arch my eyebrows at him.
"I was in a fire before I was brought here," Antonio confides in me. "I knew it from the burns that I had."
He rolls up his pants to show me the one on his leg. I try not to grimace at the sight of the damaged skin.
"But I didn't remember it until now. It was such a vivid memory, more so than the others I've had, that I felt as if I was reliving it. I lost track of everything else."
I've felt that way too sometimes. During the times when I felt so helpless and hopeless, I'd relive a memory and forget everything else. It's a pity that Antonio had to remember something unpleasant.
"It's not your fault," I tell him again. "The fire triggered your memory."
"And because of that, Kevin died."
I shake my head. "The house was already burning, Antonio. You shouldn't even have gone in. If you had reached him, maybe both of you would have died."
A thought I can't stand to ponder.
"I don't know why you try so hard to save lives," I go on. "You're already a doctor. You don't have to go out of your way to be a hero."
"I'm not trying to be a hero."
"But you put everyone else before yourself. Why? Is it because you still feel like you're trying to earn your place here? Or is it because you feel like you don't deserve to live?"
Antonio lets