I wasn’t certain where we stood at all and that had my mind racing and spinning in a hundred different directions.
As we drove over the bridge, I sighed.
“I’m so screwed up,” I said to Angie.
She huffed and her lips twitched. “Who isn’t? Guy problems?”
“Hudson’s ex-girlfriend came to see him at work today and I freaked out. So stupid.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea.”
Because he had never mentioned an ex being in his life, and he’d already held so much back from me. He’d hidden important facts I needed to know… should have known. I might understand why but that didn’t mean the pain they caused had vanished.
“Just forget it,” I sighed. It was too complicated to explain. Rehashing wouldn’t help. “How many people are going to be at dinner?”
She snorted and pulled into the parking garage. “I only asked like three other friends for dinner. Same with Josiah. He said some will be there and some will meet us after. They know of somewhere to go hang later. That okay?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.” Anything was better than being home and climbing my walls with my insecurity and fears as companions.
In my purse, my phone was a heavy weight. A constant reminder I’d ignored Hudson for no reason outside my insecurities. He’d asked me not to let him push him away, but I was doing the same thing.
Something, I decided, I’d fix once we were both home tonight. Maybe by then, I wouldn’t be feeling so batshit crazy. But I could start the process now.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a quick text.
Got your voicemail. We’ll talk later?
There. At least that way I wasn’t ignoring him. Unable to stop my constant swirling thoughts, I glanced at Angie.
“What in the hell do I get a man for Christmas who owns half the city?”
Lingerie, regardless of Sandra’s opinions, would not be on that list.
“Hell if I know. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend at Christmastime but I doubt Hudson expects anything from you.”
No one expected anything from me. That wasn’t the point. They’d all given me so much and I wanted to do something nice for them.
“You’re no help,” I muttered and pulled the door open to Don Julio’s. I was immediately assaulted with loud, typical Mariachi music and the scent of hot, spicy dishes making my mouth water.
“Table for White,” Angie said, at the hostess stand.
Dinner was a loud, rambunctious affair with the girls at one end and Josiah and a few of his friends at the other.
Sitting directly across from me was a high school friend of Angie’s, Tamara, who was home on Christmas break from Iowa State. When Angie introduced us, Tamara jumped right in and said the two of them had been friends since they were in diapers.
“So what’s it like?” I asked, and picked through my fajita veggies, shoving the green peppers off to the side.
“What, college?”
“Yeah. You like it?”
“It’s the best decision I ever made,” she said, and her eyes flickered to Angie before returning to mine. “Angie and I, we grew up with a lot the same. Moms who worked too hard to really be there. Dads who either couldn’t be there or didn’t want to be in my case. I go to school with those daughters and sons of Pinterest moms and perfect homes and you know what I learned, always thinking I had it rougher?”
“What?”
“Everyone has it rough in this life. There are no easy streets for anyone, that’s just all the bullshit we think pretty people have because they’re pretty.”
Her words were a punch to my chest. I’d assumed the same of Hudson.
How many had assumed the same as me growing up?
“Angie told us where you were. I don’t give a shit. Some might. I don’t. I already met too many people from homes that were probably like the one you had way back then and I can guarantee, whatever you grew up with, I could say theirs was harder. Moms who started drinking with their morning orange juice and showed up wasted to PTA meetings. Dads who either showed up with fists and insults or didn’t show up at all. College… it gets you out of your head, out of your comfort zone and shows you a shit ton about real life. It’s fucking awesome.”
She grinned, amber-colored eyes sparkling with the truth of it.
I looked at Angie. I wasn’t necessarily angry, but surprised? A little letdown. I’d trusted her with a lot of personal stuff I didn’t need to be broadcasted. “You told