tight for him?
She studied me as she nibbled on her lip. “You know what, maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this. About him.”
I took a step closer, and that was a mistake. I could smell the sweet vanilla scent of her shampoo or her body lotion, or whatever it was. I could feel the warmth from her body. She was so close I could reach out and touch that impossibly soft, creamy skin.
Focus.
“What did you say to him?” I asked.
Her eyes met mine, and after a moment, she shrugged. “I just told him the truth.”
My heart hitched. What truth? How much did she know? I told myself to calm down. There was no way she could know about the secrets I was keeping. No one knew—no one but me and his mother.
“Brandon deserves to know the truth about his parents, about his life. I mean… he can’t live in ignorance forever.” Her voice had grown stronger, like she was trying to convince me.
Like she was trying to convince herself.
“What did you tell him, Lila?” I asked softly, fear replacing my anger as my brain tried to make connections and reach conclusions.
Some of her bravado faltered. “I told him that his mother had an affair with my father.”
I stared at her. “She… she what?”
“Apparently, Brandon’s dad found out, or he walked in on them or something and…” She trailed off with a shrug.
I froze. I knew how the story ended. His drinking grew worse, as did his pill habit. But that wasn’t what killed him.
That had been his wife.
I shook off the memory, pushing it back where it belonged. In the dark. I was the only one who knew. I was the only one who’d seen.
And I would never forget.
Walking into that hospital room with yellow flowers in my hand. Flowers my mom had picked out and handed me to give to Brandon’s mom. I’d dropped them when my hands went numb. Even at that young age, I’d known instantly what I was seeing.
Mrs. MacMillan with a pillow in her hand.
Mrs. MacMillan holding a pillow over Mr. MacMillan’s face.
Fear and shock and horror and something like insanity distorting her features so she looked like a stranger as she turned to face me.
The beeping of the machines, the stench of death in the air…
“Don’t look at me like that,” Lila said, crossing her arms over her chest.
I didn’t know how I’d been looking at her, but I could guess. That old revulsion had come up and threatened to swallow me. Disgust and fear and hatred and guilt and a million other emotions. But I’d made my decision that day, and I’d never looked back.
And ever since then, Brandon had become my responsibility. That was why I was here. “Lila, why would you tell him that?”
“He deserved to know,” she said again.
I could hear the guilt in her voice. She didn’t need me to tell her that answer was bullshit. Her tone turned even more defensive as her arms tightened around her waist like she was holding herself together. “I know it must be nice for him to live in some dream world where he has these perfect parents—”
“Perfect?” I shot back. “His dad is dead.”
She shook her head. “Yeah, but everyone knows he was nice. He was kind.” Her voice grew thick with emotion. “Everyone knows he loved his son.”
It was the bitterness in her voice that had me blinking suddenly, at a loss for what to say. The hurt and pain radiating from her body and her voice was hard to witness. It hurt even from a distance. She was a fierce lioness when she was hiding behind her clothes and her attitude and her snarky comebacks, but now, in this moment? She looked like a child. Fragile and vulnerable and wanting to be loved.
That voice I’d heard before, it came back to me in a heartbeat. “Who was on the phone before?” I said. “When I showed up at the door.”
She looked away.
“Was that your dad?”
Her smile was forced, and her eyes bleak as she swung her gaze back to meet mine. “Father of the Year,” she said in a sing-song voice that dripped with sarcasm.
I swallowed and shoved my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out to her. It was a struggle to hide my pity, but she wouldn’t want to see that. No one would.
“So, your father,” I said. “He’s the reason you’re here? He’s why you haven’t given up on Brandon?”
She met my gaze evenly.