no longer had the key to open them. It felt very strange to be so silent in his own head, to be unable to sense the tidal flow of feelings around him, to find it impossible to swim in the bright salt ocean of emotion, to be powerless to change its swift currents.
This must be what it's like to go suddenly blind or deaf or mute. Then: Puppetman? he mind-called again, and again there was only the echo of his own thoughts.
Dead. Gone. Gregg sighed, feeling lost and sad and hopeful all at once, looking at the people around him, touching him, and yet isolated. Apart.
He didn't know if he'd ever get used to that.
All he wanted to do was get away from the furnace of Atlanta, to go back home and be alone and think. To see if he could heal some of the wounds and begin again.
It wasn't my fault. Not really. It was Puppetman and he's dead. That should be punishment enough.
Gregg didn't know exactly what he was going to say to Ellen. She, at least, had tried to comfort him yesterday. She at least had said that it was okay, that it didn't matter, that it would all be all right again. But behind the words, he knew she wanted to know why, and he didn't know how to explain it. Part of him ached to simply let the horrible, awful truth spill out and beg forgiveness. Ellen cared for him. He knew that from Puppetman; he had seen her love given to him even without the power's help.
Yes, he'd give her a part of the truth at least. He'd tell her that yes, he was an ace, that he'd abused his abilities to enhance his own power, that he'd manipulated people. Yes, even her.
But not all of it. Some of it couldn't be said. Not the death and the pain and the violence. Not what he'd done to her and their own child.
Not that, because then there'd be no hope at all. Ellen was the one thing Gregg could salvage from this wreckage. Ellen was the only person who would help him find a path.
Gregg needed her. He knew just how desperate that need was from the churning in his stomach and the cold fear in his gut.
"Senator? We're here."
They were at the side entrance of the hospital. The Secret Service riding in back with him pushed open the doors. Heat and sunshine hit Gregg like a fist as he got out, blinking behind his sunglasses. He leaned back into the cool, leather-scented interior to speak to the chauffeur. "We'll be back in a few minutes," he told him. "We're just going to get Ellen and her things-"
"Senator," one of the bodyguards outside said. "Isn't that her?"
Gregg straightened to see Ellen being wheeled out of the hospital behind a clot of reporters, her own Secret Service personnel keeping back the flurry of videocams and cameras. Gregg frowned, puzzled.
The heat rippling up from the blacktop went cold: behind Ellen, he could see Sara. She was standing inside, her face pressed against the glass doors.
"No," Gregg whispered. He half ran to Ellen, the Secret Service men pushing a path through the reporters around her. He saw her bag, sitting alongside the wheelchair.
She stood as he approached. Gregg smiled for the cameras and tried to ignore the specter of Sara just a few feet away. "Darling," he said to her. "Did Amy call-?"
Ellen looked into his face and his voice trailed off. Her examination of him was long and intense. Then she looked away. Her mouth was a straight, tight line, her dark eves were stern and solemn, and a bitter loathing lurked behind them. "I don't know if it's all true, what Sara said," Ellen husked out. "I don't know, but I can see something in you, Gregg. I only wish I'd seen it years ago." She was crying now, oblivious or uncaring of the reporters circled around them. "Damn you, Gregg. Damn you forever for what you did."
Her hand lashed out unexpectedly. The slap jerked Gregg's head around and brought tears of pain to his own eyes. He fingered the crimson flush on his cheek, stunned.
He could hear the cameras and the excited buzz of the reporters. "Ellen, please ..." he began, but she wasn't listening.
"I need time, Gregg. I need to be away from, you." She took her bag and strode past him toward a waiting car. Behind the glass doors, Sara snagged Gregg's eyes