they could do. I wanted to kiss them until he woke up and rolled me on my back and entered me again. I didn’t though. He needed sleep. Snuggling back into the bed, I closed my eyes and tried not to think about anything more than the man holding me.
November 15, 2019
When I woke the next morning, I was alone but a fire was blazing in the bedroom fireplace. I glanced at the time on my phone and it was after eight. Creed had a meeting at eight this morning in town on decisions about the lighthouse. The fire was going to need me to poke it soon, so I stretched and got out of bed to go tend to it and head downstairs to check on the other fires.
Stopping at the fireplace, my eyes went to the pictures I’d put there. The one with me and Griff smiling on our ski trip to Colorado last winter stared at me. I walked over and took it down. I couldn’t deal with seeing this right now. Taking the photo, I walked over to the shelves where I had another picture of Griff and I in our cap and gowns. I picked it up too and placed both in the hallway closet. Turning, I headed to the kitchen.
Once I had coffee I sat down in the living room chair and read the text from Griff again. If I waited until I saw him in person, we may not be broken up for a month. He kept promising he’d come see me or I could come see him but that had yet to happen. His promises had little weight these days.
It was time I did this, dealt with the pain it was going to cause, and moved on. I couldn’t see how Griff would be able to forgive me. At first that was my only concern. Keeping Griff and the relationship we had wasn’t my desire anymore. I did love Griff. He had helped me heal in a way he would never understand, but since he moved to Boston, we hadn’t been the same.
I was holding onto how we once were, not how we were now. I wanted to be important to him and if he hadn’t changed so much then maybe we would still be that strong. Medical school was the most important thing in his life and I respected that. I just couldn’t continue the growing apart. Every day that went by and he had less time for us…for me, I felt more disconnected. The man that had loved me so much was different. He had a life I wasn’t a part of and this was only the semester of his first year in med school. I didn’t see how we could survive this. It didn’t excuse what I did. Forgiving myself wasn’t going to come easy or soon, but I couldn’t keep holding onto a man who I didn’t love enough.
Truth was I had always wanted Creed, but I’d forgotten just how strongly I felt about him until he was back in my life. No matter what pain it caused Griff, I couldn’t let Creed go. I was in love with him and being with him again had shown me that he was right. I loved Griff, but I wasn’t in love with Griff. That place in my heart had been owned by Creed since I was too young to be sure when it happened.
I would text Griff one more time about the importance of him calling me. If I couldn’t have this conversation with him in person then I was at least going to do it on a call and not a text message.
“Please, Griff, I need to talk to you today. Call me as soon as you have a moment.”
Griff was busy, but he would make time for me if it sounded urgent. At least he once would…these days, I was never sure.
Twenty-one
Clarks’ parking lot was packed for a freezing November night. Smoke was rising from the chimney as we made our way to the front door. Creed let go of my hand to open the door and wave me inside. We were greeted by Lulu, and like the last time, she ate Creed up with her eyes. Unlike last time, I felt the need to glare at her in warning.
“Hiya, Creed. Want your regular table?” she asked in a sing-song voice I assumed she thought was cute. It wasn’t.
He placed his hand on my lower back and