She stiffened and stopped her approach. Good. If she got too close I was going to grab her and forget all about how she didn’t think I was good enough for her. She was ashamed of me. I held on to that thought as her plump tits played peek-a-boo with the water. Teasing me.
“Why are you being this way?” she asked. The hurt in her voice put a crack in my wall. I had to get away from her before I made a mistake.
“I’m just being me.”
She frowned, “This isn’t you. You’re not cold and mean.”
I clenched my hands into fists under the water to keep from reaching out and pulling her sweet little body up against mine and getting one more taste of her. One more memory to keep with me when I left. She’d rejected me. She would only do it again.
“What ya want, baby? You want me to take care of that hot body you’re out here advertising? ‘Cause I don’t mind making it feel good. You can come all over my fingers or are you ready for me to bury myself inside you now? You want to know what it’s like to f**k a bad boy? It’s pretty damn good or so I’ve been told. I always have ‘em keep coming back for more.”
“Cage don’t do this,” she choked out.
“Don’t do what? Tell you the truth about me? You had me figured out all along. It’s why you want to keep me your dirty little secret. I’m used to that, Eva. I’ve been lots of women’s wild thrill.”
“Stop it, that isn’t who you are.”
I took a step toward her and my heart hammered against my chest painfully. The tears that filled her eyes were all I could handle. I hated myself as the ugly shit poured out of my mouth. “Yeah, baby, it is. But don’t you worry. I’ll be fine. I got rejected by you and more came running. Several hot little sorority girls made me feel all better this weekend.”
Before I could get the hell away from her she spun around and hurried to shore. The pain in my chest became unbearable. I bent over and put my hands on my knees. FUUUUCK. This hurt.
The Jeep roared to life and I listened as she drove away. She’d run again but this time I’d sent her running.
I stood up, threw my head back and yelled, “MOTHER FUCKER” as the sun beat down on me. Mocking me. Mocking my life.
Eva
Josh was gone. Jeremy was gone. Cage was gone. I had no one. I couldn’t stand this. I needed to make the pain go away. I’d been so hurt that staying away from Cage the rest of the week had been the only way I could deal with it. Even then all I could manage to do was cry. He’d been with other women. I wanted to believe he was lying just to hurt me but I knew he wasn’t. I had seen the sincerity in his eyes.
The idea of someone else touching him and feeling his hands all over her body, made me nauseous. I couldn’t stand it. I needed to forget. I needed to wash that image in my head away. The pain was only getting worse. He thought I’d rejected him and in a way, I had. He was right. I deserved this. But it hurt so incredibly bad.
I pulled my Jeep into Nelly’s. It was the only honky-tonk in town. It was also the only place a twenty year old could get a drink. I needed to feel numb. Alcohol was the only thing I could come up with that would work.
Nelly wasn’t above slipping you a drink if you had the money. Because of this she managed to run a very successful business. Out here in the country no one thought to come check her out. She got away with a lot of things because she was off the radar.
I had pulled out the blue jean mini skirt that Josh had loved so much and put it on as a source of comfort. I completed my honky-tonking outfit with cowboy boots and a shiny black halter-top. I was going to dance with attractive men and drink enough tequila to make the pain go away. Cage may have thrown me aside once he got tired of me but I wasn’t undesirable. Many guys would be thrilled to have my attention.
I jerked the door open. As I stepped into the smoky bar, I searched for Becca Lynn. She’d texted me and told me to come meet her here if I was up for some fun. I noticed her dancing with a guy with a black Stetson and a pair of tight jeans. Becca Lynn was rubbing every part of her body against his as the live band played an old country song that reminded me of Daddy’s Hank Williams Jr. albums.
Nelly was at the bar and I headed over to order my first shot of the night.
“Didn’t ‘spect to see you back here after Jeremy came to peel you off the floor the last time you stopped in.” Nelly’s concerned frown bothered me. Did everyone in town stick their noses in my business?
“I need a drink, Nelly,” I told her as I sat down on the empty stool in front of her.
She sighed, “Alrighty girl, reckon you’re a woman now.” She grabbed a shot glass and poured Jose Cuervo silver into the glass then slid it over to me.
“You wanting lime and salt with that?”
“No. This is fine,” I replied and slung it back. The heat burned all the way down my throat. I put the glass back down and pushed it back to her.
“Easy now, sugar,” she chided and filled the glass again before sliding it back to me.
“I just need two to get me loosened up.”
I took the glass and downed it quickly. The burn was less intense but it was still there.
“This ‘cause Jeremy left for school?” Nelly asked, leaning her elbows on the bar and studying me. Her long black hair was peppered with gray and pulled back into a ponytail. Hard living hadn’t been good to her and although she was probably around her mid-forties she looked older. Her skin was weathered and hard looking.