He halted when he saw me then his face turned hard and cold before he continued past me and threw the shovel and tool box into the back of the truck. I tried to speak but my words got stuck in my throat. I didn’t know how to talk to this Cage. The one with the cocky smile and sexy swagger was gone.
He stalked back by me and headed back into the barn. I was frozen. What did I say? Would he yell at me if I tried to explain? Did he even care? Had I been written off where he was concerned? Oh, god. Was I now just one of the many he’d toss away and forget?
He came back out of the barn with his hands full of feed and a can of motor oil. His eyes didn’t even flicker past me. I really did feel invisible, now.
Once he threw the things in his truck he headed for the driver’s side door and jerked it open. He was going to drive off. I had to say something.
“Cage?” I croaked out.
The only reason I knew he heard me was that his shoulders tensed but he didn’t look back and respond.
“Cage, please,” I begged, hoping that would at least get him to look at me.
His grip on the door was so tight his knuckles were white.
“Don’t,” he replied in a flat emotionless voice before sliding inside and slamming the door behind him.
He pulled out and headed south without once making eye contact with me. My chest felt like it was going to burst. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run after him and demand he talk to me.
This is what it feels like to care about someone who doesn’t feel the same.
I’d only known how it felt to love someone who loved me just as fiercely. I’d never known rejection. I’d never wanted someone who didn’t want me. The longing didn’t go away with rejection.
Numbly, I went inside the barn and headed back to his room. I would still wash his sheets and towels. He needed clean things.
I opened the door to his room. The mattress was bare and a set of clean sheets were stacked on top. Beside them sat a stack of clean folded towels and washcloths. He’d taken his things to Low. She’d washed them for him.
The sorrow only grew. She’d never have to feel the ache from Cage’s rejection. He loved her. He always would. Just like Josh had loved me without question. It had been unconditional. I hated Willow because she had something I never would: Cage York’s unconditional love. Did anyone else have that? I knew they didn’t. He never spoke of family. Low was his family. She was all that mattered to him. What must that feel like? I picked up his towels and put them on the small shelf beside the shower. Then I went about making up his bed for him. I hadn’t been able to clean his sheets for him but at least I could do something. I wanted to do something for him. Even if he no longer wanted me.
Chapter Twenty
Cage
She’d made my bed. Dammit. Why was she doing this? I worked hard to wash my head of her and flush her out of my system for three very long days. A lot of whiskey and women. It hadn’t worked. The only way I’d been able to perform was to close my eyes and pretend it was Eva. Calling out her name hadn’t gone over well with the girls who had been sober enough to realize I wasn’t mentally with them.
The corner of my quilt was pulled back for me and a plate of food sat on the table beside it covered in foil to keep it warm. I just had to make it until Saturday night. Then I’d be gone again for three full days. Coach had decided I needed to start working out with the team Sunday through Tuesday. I was just supposed to work here Wednesday through Saturday now. Wilson had given Coach Mack a good report and I was being rewarded for good behavior.
When Eva had pleaded with me earlier I’d almost cracked. The only thing that kept me from turning back to look at her had been the image of her with the other guy. She’d let him touch her and help her into the Jeep. He hadn’t been snubbed. He was good enough. I couldn’t do this with her. Being someone’s dirty little secret hadn’t bothered me until now. I didn’t want to be Eva’s secret. Things had been different with her. I’d felt something. It had been real. It had been more. So much more.
I took the foil off the plate and the smell from the meatloaf and corn hit me. I was ravenous. The image of Eva fixing my plate and carefully wrapping it and bringing it out here to me tugged at my chest. Damned if this wasn’t going to be hard. Luckily, I’d learned at an early age that self-preservation was the only way to survive with your soul intact.
Or maybe I’d lost my soul already. I doubted God let someone like me keep any gift from him. It was highly likely I’d been born without one.
~*~
The lake water was getting warmer with each smoldering hot day. It was still cooler than the hundred-degree heat that had gotten so thick it made it hard to take deep breaths. I ducked my head under the surface and soaked my hair, slicking it back off my face.
The sound of a car door slamming caught my attention as I surfaced. I spun around in the water to see Eva walking toward me. Shit. What was she doing now? I’d done everything I could think of to make her leave me the hell alone. Her long brown hair was flying free down her back and her flat tanned stomach was bare. The little red halter-top she was wearing with them damn cut off shorts sent my blood pumping.
I should turn my head away and ignore her but she was so damn beautiful it was hard. I hadn’t allowed myself to stare at her in over a week. She stopped at the bank and started pulling her halter top off. What the f**k? A red lacy bra was covering up her tits and although I should be relieved, it wasn’t any better than the bare things. It was f**king sexy as hell. When her hands went to the snap on her shorts I opened my mouth to stop her but she began shimming out of them. A pair of matching red lace panties with very little coverage caused me to get choked on my tongue.
“You are going to talk to me,” she demanded, stepping into the water. I wanted to argue with her but she was walking into the water with red f**king undies on. I couldn’t form words.
“Where were you?” she asked as she closed the space between us.
I couldn’t forget. I couldn’t break. She had the power to break me. No one had ever been given that power, ever. Eva could do it. If I let her in any further she could completely destroy me. I was weak where she was concerned. I couldn’t be weak. She’d rejected me already. Why was she so damned determined to talk to me now? I didn’t get rejected. I was the one who rejected. I didn’t give someone a chance to decide I wasn’t good enough.
“I don’t reckon that’s your f**king business, now is it, sweetheart?” I drawled in a bored tone.