I forced myself to look at Wilson, instead of his daughter.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just needed to ask you if it was alright if my ride came and got me tonight?”
Wilson shrugged and nodded, “I don’t see why not. Sure boy, go on. I’ll see you Monday morning.”
“Thanks,” I replied and swung my eyes back to Eva. She still hadn’t lifted her head. I didn’t want to leave like this. “It was uh, nice to meet y’all.” I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and made my way back to the door. I needed to get some fresh air and try real hard to get control of the panic settling in my chest.
The screen door slammed behind me but I didn’t flinch, I just kept walking. Reaching into my pocket, I texted Low to come on and get me tonight.
She’d be at least an hour. Instead of going back to the closed-in space of my makeshift bedroom, I headed down to sit in the swing under the biggest oak tree on the property. I rarely saw anyone out here. It was dark and I could stay hidden while I gathered my thoughts.
Josh’s mother had come for a visit and Eva hadn’t spoken to me since. What had been said? Had Eva seen her and realized what she was stepping down from? Josh had the nice all-American family. I, on the other hand, just had Low. My momma hadn’t made me meals and washed my clothes. Hell, my momma hadn’t even taken me to the doctor when I was sick. My half-sister and I hardly ever spoke. The last I heard she’d been busted in a meth lab with her latest boyfriend and gone to prison.
Yeah, I had one f**king fantastic family to introduce Eva too. If she thought I wasn’t worthy now, without knowing all that messed up shit, then I didn’t stand a chance.
I dropped my head into my hands. Why had I let myself care? Why had I decided to f**king care about someone who was so out of my damn reach? Girls like Eva didn’t want to keep me. They wanted to play with me for a while and then go find the boy their parents would approve of. I wasn’t the keeping kind. I’d learned at a young age that women didn’t keep me. When a guy’s momma don’t want him, why the f**k should anyone else? Something was wrong with me. Always had been. When I’d found Low, I’d held onto her and decided that since she was the only girl that wanted to keep me then she would be the one I spent forever with. I knew she’d never leave me. My f**k-ups would never send her running away. Then she’d found Marcus and he’d loved her in a way I never would. As much as I loved her I couldn’t love her the way it would take to be faithful.
Then came Eva. She’d shown me I could only want one woman and be damned happy about it. Too bad that just like the others she didn’t want to keep me. This time I hadn’t gotten rid of her before she could figure out I wasn’t worth keeping. I wanted too much. I’d hoped for too damn much.
Voices drifted across the lawn and I watched as Eva came walking out of the front door with Jeremy and his cousin. I could hear their laughter. The three of them walked out to Eva’s Jeep and the cousin opened her door and whispered something in her ear before helping her get inside. Pain sliced through me.
Jeremy climbed in the back and his cousin sat in the passenger’s seat. Eva was going out. She was moving on. I had been a side distraction.
My eyes stung and I hated the weakness tears represented. Fuck that. I wouldn’t cry. I didn’t cry. I also didn’t f**king beg. I knew what it felt like to beg someone to want you. I’d been called a worthless piece of shit by my father from the time I was five. Then again by my mother when I was a teenager rebelling because of the life I’d been handed.
I’d decided long ago if I was worthless then I didn’t have to live by anyone’s f**king rules. I’d make my own.
Eva
My phone chimed alerting me of a text message and I grabbed it praying it was Cage. He hadn’t come back yet and it was Tuesday. Daddy didn’t seem concerned and I was scared to ask him where Cage was. I couldn’t show any interest in Cage. But I needed to know where he was. He’d stopped texting me after Saturday night. He hadn’t called. I’d ignored him. I had to. I was so confused.
The text was from Chad. He was driving me nuts. We’d gone out dancing Saturday night after Cage left. Daddy and Elaine had thought that was a wonderful idea when Jeremy suggested it. I had been stuck. Elaine’s hopeful expression as Chad pulled my chair out for me had been hard to miss. She had invited Chad because she was matchmaking.
Chad wanted to know what I was doing tonight. I wanted to know when he was going back to Louisiana so he would leave me alone. I typed that I wasn’t up for doing anything and left it at that.
Watching the barn for Cage to show up was making me anxious and nauseous every minute he didn’t come driving up. Had he quit? Surely not. He had his scholarship to deal with. I looked down at my phone and thought about texting him. I’d ignored his attempts at trying to contact me. Would he even respond?
I had to know.
Me: Are you okay? Where are you?
I held my phone in my hands and waited.
The silence in the room was deafening. I could hear my heart beating. With each second that ticked by without a response my stomach twisted tighter into the coil it had been in since Elaine had told me how disappointed Josh would be in me. I didn’t want to disappoint Josh. I didn’t want to make a mistake. Cage had been a way for me to heal. He’d been fun and exciting. Nothing felt bad and wrong when we were together. I knew he would be gone soon. I hadn’t kidded myself into believing we had anything long lasting.
After several minutes and no response I dropped my phone onto the bed and lay back on my pillow. Was he going to leave my life just like that? No goodbye, just disappear?
A warm tear trickled down my cheek. For the first time in eighteen months my tears weren’t because of Josh Beasley.
~*~
I decided to go get Cage’s sheets and wash them. I could ask Daddy if he was coming back with the excuse that I needed to know if I should put the sheets back on once I cleaned them.
The barn door was open when I stepped outside Wednesday morning. Hope surged in my chest. I wanted to run toward the barn but I couldn’t. Daddy was around here somewhere.
Once I got close, I stopped and took a deep breath before I walked inside. If he was in there I had to explain things. I wasn’t sure yet what I was going to say. Telling Cage that Josh’s mother didn’t approve of him wasn’t exactly a wise idea. Cage didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would take to being told he was less than worthy with a shrug. If I wanted to get rid of him that would be a really good way to do it. And I definitely didn’t want to get rid of him.
Cage stalked out of the barn with a scowl on his face. He had a straw hat tilted back on his head and his shirt wasn’t yet soaked from sweat. He was gorgeous.