Sawyer tensed, his arms tightened around me as if he was protecting me. I’d always wondered what Sawyer had done with Nicole in the seventh grade. At times I’d been jealous when she looked at him as if she knew him in ways I didn’t. But then he would be so careful not to do anything other than kiss me I figured he had to be as chaste as I was. “Was” being the important word here.
“Shut up, Nicole.” The words hadn’t been Sawyer’s. Beau’s deeper voice snapped out the order. Nicole giggled again and leaned forward to shake her braless boobs at Sawyer.
“You remember how much fun it was, don’t ya Saw. We had lots of fun,” she slurred.
“Shut the hell up, Nicole,” Beau growled angrily, pushing her away from him. I should be hurt that my boyfriend wasn’t as inexperienced as I’d thought. The fact he’d been unable to keep his hands off Nicole and didn’t have any problem not touching me should bother me. It didn’t. All I felt was relief at seeing Beau pushing Nicole off of him.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like hearing about how your cousin had me first? Hmmmm . . . don’t be jealous, baby. You’re the only one who’s getting in my pants tonight.” Nicole attempted to purr but her slurring kind of made it sound more like she was moaning.
Sawyer moved from behind me and took my arm to pull me away. I felt Beau’s eyes on me and I glanced back at him. In that moment I could see the Beau I’d thought loved me. His eyes said he was sorry as he pushed Nicole away absently. Not once did he break eye contact with me as Sawyer led me into the pecan orchard. There was pain in those eyes that haunted my dreams. I gave him a sad smile before turning to follow my boyfriend into the shadows of the trees. The light from the fire disappeared as did the noise. The moon managed to peek through the branches, shedding enough light to keep us from walking into a tree or tripping over a fallen branch.
“Ash, I’m so sorry,” Sawyer said, pulling me into his arms once we got to his truck. “She’s a vile human being and why I ever dated her I don’t know. I wish Beau would get rid of her.” He kissed the top of my head like I was a child he needed to comfort. I didn’t feel like crying. But I wanted to know why. For so long I thought he was without sin and I was the one who needed to be tamed, but that hadn’t been true.
“Did you have sex with her, Sawyer?” I asked, staring up at him. The guilty expression on his face answered my question for me. He cupped the side of my face with his hand.
“Ash, it was a long time ago. She was my first girlfriend and although she was pretty wild for a thirteen-year-old we were still young. Of course we didn’t have sex,” he said.
“You obviously did something. You hardly touch me yet it sounds like you did a lot more than kissing with Nicole.”
Sawyer frowned. He hadn’t been expecting me to voice my feelings. I normally reassured him when he was upset. I never wanted to ruffle his feathers. Make life easy for Sawyer had been my mantra for so long. Well, that part of this charade I was living was long gone. No more patting him on the back.
“Ashton, I made some bad decisions with Nicole. She pushed me to do some things. I gave in. But you, you’re different. You’re good. It isn’t about sex with us.”
How could you be in love with someone and not want sex? We were human. He was a teenage boy, for crying out loud. He had hormones.
“Are you not attracted to me that way? I mean I know I don’t have Nicole’s body and I won’t be winning any beauty contest, but if you love me then I would think sex with me would appeal to you.”
Three weeks ago I wouldn’t have had the nerve to say these things. Being with Beau had changed me so much.
Sawyer’s expression was somewhere between shock and confusion.
“Ashton, I respect you. You deserve respect. You’re everything I ever wanted in a girl. You’re not just some girl I’m filling my high school years with. I intend to marry you one day.”
Marry him? What? Really? Oh GOD.
He smiled at the shocked expression on my face. “I love you, Ashton. I intend to keep you forever. I’m very attracted to you. I just don’t want my future wife to lose her virginity in the bed of a truck.”
Beau
This was bullshit. She wasn’t happy. I could see it all over her face. Hell, she’d been so damn stiff while Sawyer stood there holding her it was impossible not to notice. It had also driven me mad. I hated seeing her so uncomfortable. Then Nicole had opened her stupid mouth and upset her more. I wanted to believe that she deserved all this but I couldn’t. Something was wrong. I’d been wrong not to question her when she’d come to me. My stupid pride had let her walk away. I’d f**ked that up good.
“Stop being so mean,” Nicole said, leaning on my arm in an attempt to keep from falling on her face. I grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her down to sit on the tire behind us. She couldn’t stand up without support and I didn’t want to feel her hands on me. The look in Ash’s eyes when her gaze had met mine had made every place Nicole touched feel cheap and dirty. I wanted her away from me.
“What’s going on with you and Ash?” Kayla’s question snapped me out of my inner turmoil and I shifted my gaze to meet her curious one. Damn. Leave it to a female to see what no one else notices.
“Nothing is going on with me and Ash.”
She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Hmmm, whatever, Beau,” she replied before lifting her red solo cup to her lips. The girl had always been nosy.
“Can you get Nic home?” I asked Ethan, stepping far enough away that she couldn’t paw at me.
Ethan shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. If she comes on to me are you gonna kick my ass tomorrow?”
“Nah, enjoy yourself.”
Ethan smirked and shook his head. I didn’t wait around to see what other stupid comments came out of his mouth.
I headed for my truck. Staying here was impossible. I’d only come because I’d known she would be here. Wanting to see her had been my sole purpose for putting up with Nicole and Sawyer. I missed her. I missed her so f**king much. After the sad smile and hopeful look in her eyes as she walked away I had a new sense of hope that maybe this wasn’t over. Maybe I still had a chance.