What did he mean by that? Since when? Since this summer when it’d been just us? Before he’d let me walk out of his trailer without an argument?
“I need to get you back. Sawyer’s texted your phone and called you several times. The last time he called I figured it was time I woke you. Even though I enjoyed having you sleep on me.”
My heart thumped against my chest. Hearing him say things like that to me gave me hope. Hope for what, I didn’t know. I’d been the one to decide it wasn’t worth it. He handed me my phone.
“Answer him. This is going to be hard enough to explain as it is.”
I read both texts from him asking me where I was at. He sounded concerned in his last one. My car being left at the school parking lot was bothering him.
Beau’s phone rang and he glanced down at it and frowned. “It’s Sawyer.”
I reached for his phone. “Here, let me answer it. I might as well explain. Besides, we did nothing wrong.”
“Hello?”
“Ash? Where are you? Why’re you answering Beau’s phone. I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I’m sorry. I know. I was just about to call you. I’ve been asleep. Beau found me in the parking lot. I didn’t want to go home and face all the drama. He offered to listen to me rant some and I ended up falling asleep. He let me sleep. But he’s bringing me back to my car now.”
Sawyer was quiet for a moment. I glanced over at Beau, who was watching me with something that reminded me of a lion who sensed danger and was getting ready to pounce.
“Okay, I’ll go wait for you at your car,” he finally replied.
I wasn’t sure what Sawyer was thinking by the tone of his voice. Normally I could gauge his mood over the phone.
“I’ll see you in a little while then,” I said and handed the phone back to Beau. He closed it and nodded toward the passenger side of the truck.
“If he’s going to be waiting on us you probably need to scoot over. I’m not sure he’d be that understanding.”
Beau cranked the truck and turned it back toward town. Reluctantly I slid back over to the far side of the truck. Away from his warmth.
“Beau . . . thank you. I needed this. I needed, I needed . . . you.”
He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head.
“Saying things like that to me makes this so damn hard. I’ll always be here for you. But don’t tell me you need me.”
“But I can’t help it. I do.”
“Damn it, Ash. I can’t listen to that. I can’t think about it. I can deal with denying myself what I need. What I want. But I can’t deny you.”
“You love Sawyer. He’s like your brother. Could you really hurt him that way? Could you really lose him over a girl? I don’t know if I could let you do it. One day you would resent me for coming between the two of you. You would never be able to love me. I would always be a reminder of how I was the reason you lost Sawyer.”
I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. There were so many reasons why I could never have Beau. And every time I voiced one it ripped another hole in my heart.
“You’re right,” he said in a hoarse whisper.
Hearing him agree felt as if he’d just run a sword through my chest. I bit back a sob and turned my head away from him.
Neither of us spoke again.
When he pulled into the parking spot beside my car, Sawyer was at the passenger side of Beau’s truck, immediately opening it and reaching for me.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’ve been so wrapped up in football that I’ve been ignoring you. You just lost your Grana and now your relatives have invaded your house.” He pulled me into his arms and I let him hold me. Right now my chest ached so badly I needed someone to hold me together. Even if that someone wasn’t Beau.
“Thank you, Beau. You were there for her when I wasn’t. I owe you one,” Sawyer said over my head. I didn’t look at Beau. I kept my face buried in Sawyer’s chest.
“You’re welcome,” he replied. Sawyer closed the truck door and I listened as the tires crunched over the gravel. The sound of Beau driving off and leaving me here with Sawyer.