How do I respond to that?
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” the Hospice nurse said, “but your dad is asking to go to bed. I know you wanted to talk to him before I gave him his meds tonight.”
I nodded. “I’m on my way.”
She gave me a small smile and ducked back out of the room.
“You were going to tell him tonight.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement, but I nodded again anyway.
“Then we can tell him together.”
“Not about the marriage thing. I haven’t said yes. You thinking you’re in love with me doesn’t make that right, Jeremy.”
He didn’t argue. He just stood there. I stepped around him and walked to the living room where my dad was waiting on us.
* * *
His eyes were sunken into his head and his once large, powerful body was now frail and weak. Seeing him slowly wither was so hard. It got harder every day. “Hey, Daddy,” I said as I walked over to press a kiss to his forehead.
“Hey, baby girl.”
“You feeling okay tonight?” I asked, knowing he would lie. I could see the pain etched in his face. Everyday he lived now was a struggle. And here I was about to tell him I was pregnant and unmarried. Could I do that to him? No. Could I let him die without knowing about the baby I carried inside me? One that would be his heritage? No. I looked back at Jeremy. Could I love him one day? Was love and friendship enough to be more?
“I’ve asked Eva to marry me,” Jeremy told my dad.
My dad’s eyes widened in surprise as he looked at me. “Eva?”
I jerked my gaze over to Jeremy. What was he doing? This was not what I’d agreed to.
“Baby girl, you gonna say something? ’Cause what I’m hearing don’t sound right.”
Daddy’s frown wrinkled his forehead and his pale skin seemed to have gone paler. This had been a bad idea. Telling him. I shouldn’t have brought it in there to him. I should have let him go to bed tonight.
“Eva, tell him,” Jeremy urged. I wanted to go slap my hand over his mouth. He needed to shut up. He’d already said too much.
I gazed down into my daddy’s weak eyes. The strong dark blue was now faded and pale like his skin. I couldn’t lie to him now. He’d know if I did. He would worry over what the truth was.
“I’m pregnant, Daddy.” The words came out on a sob.
Daddy didn’t look at Jeremy with judgment in his eyes. I had worried that he’d assume the baby was Jeremy’s. Instead he pulled me into his arms and held me. I let free the tears I’d been holding back as his large now feeble hands patted my back and tried to soothe me. I loved this man. He was my anchor in the world. He had been never left me. He had never turned from me. Even when I made him furious. Now here he lay sick and he was consoling me.
“It ain’t Jeremy’s baby though, is it?” he said with a tired voice. How had he known?
I couldn’t look at him. I shook my head that I still had buried in his chest. He no longer smelled like the outdoors and the spicy cologne he used to wear. I sobbed as the realization of how he smelled settled over me.
“Cage loved you. I saw it in his eyes.” He stopped, and the wheeze in his chest hurt me as he struggled to take a deep breath. “Don’t let your stubbornness tell you otherwise. You can choose not to love him back, but don’t you doubt that he loved you. ’Cause he mighta been a rascal and not one I’d have chosen for you, but he loved you with something fierce.” Daddy stopped and struggled with his breathing again. I wanted to breathe for him. Then he cupped my face in his trembling hand. “You always know that. And if you choose to marry Jeremy, he’s a good man and I know he loves you too. That’s your choice, but don’t keep a man from his child. Let Cage know about this baby. Even if you don’t choose him.”
Daddy let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes. “I need some sleep. Know I love you. And make sure that little girl knows how much I love her. I’d have spoiled her rotten if I’d been given the chance.”
Daddy’s rattle when he breathed had been going on for a couple days now. Tonight it just seemed worse.
“I need to get him to bed. He needs his medicine,” the nurse said, stepping back into the room. I nodded and pressed one more kiss to his head.
“I love you, Daddy. And I promise I’ll make sure she knows her grandaddy would have loved her.”
The nurse wheeled Daddy out of the room, and I stepped back and watched her take him to his bed.
“How does he know it’s a girl?” Jeremy asked from behind me.