I shrugged. “I don’t know what it is yet. I don’t have my ultrasound until next week.”
We stood there in silence for several minutes. “It’s gonna be a girl, isn’t it?” Jeremy asked. I knew he didn’t really want an answer.
“Probably,” I said with a sad smile before turning back to look at him.
He hadn’t pushed me or said anything about what Daddy had said about Cage. I wasn’t sure Cage would want to know. Daddy loved me and he thought everyone loved me. He believed they should love me. He didn’t know what Cage had done. I couldn’t tell him that. He didn’t need to know.
“If you really mean it. . . then my answer is, yes.” I said without thinking about it anymore. I wouldn’t marry him before Daddy passed away, but at least when daddy was gone he would leave this world knowing there was a man there that would help take care of me. It would ease his mind. And maybe. . . maybe I could love Jeremy as more than a dear friend too. Maybe he was right. Maybe over time things would change. But until they did change, there wouldn’t be a wedding. I couldn’t marry Jeremy unless I was in love with him.
Jeremy closed the distance between us and stopped right in front of me. “I mean it.”
* * *
The next week I found out that I was in fact having a little girl. I didn’t take Jeremy with me. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I had agreed to marry Jeremy, but my baby had a father. Before I could let Jeremy be a part of my baby’s life, I had to give her real father a chance to be a dad. If he wanted to take part in her life, then I’d let him. If he didn’t, then she’d have Jeremy. She would never feel unloved.
Telling Cage that I was pregnant was another thing. I just couldn’t deal with that right then. I wasn’t sure he’d even come home if I did. There was a good chance he wouldn’t answer my phone call. I couldn’t exactly leave this information in a voicemail or a text. But I would make sure he knew. Then he could decide what he wanted to do. Deep down I feared that he would do nothing. If that were the case, it may just break my heart all over again. If there was anything left to break.
* * *
Two weeks later my daddy passed away while I sat by his bed, holding his hand and singing to him the old church hymn “Amazing Grace.” It had been his last request.
CAGE
Having an off-season and no social life meant my GPA was higher than it had ever been. My coach was thrilled. Not only had I just replaced their star pitcher, but I had stellar grades. I wish I cared. Somehow I’d managed to function without feelings. I was a f**king robot.
I had skipped going home for Thanksgiving. Low had begged me to, but I couldn’t. I’d had Thanksgiving with Eva last year. Home for the Holidays wasn’t happening for me. Except when Low’s baby was born. I’d have to go home for that. But I wasn’t going to my apartment. I would stay in a f**king hotel.
My phone rang ten times before I finally gave in and answered it. Glancing down at the screen, I saw Low’s number flash. Either she was going to try to get me to come home at the last f**king minute for Thanksgiving or she was in labor.
“You okay?” I asked
“Yeah, this isn’t about me,” she replied.
“What is it then? ’Cause ten damn rings is a lot of ringing. You had to have called three times in a row, at least.”
Low took a deep breath and I sat up straight from my relaxed position on the sofa. “Eva’s daddy passed away. Jeremy called me from her phone. He knew she wouldn’t call me. Or you. He thought. . . We. . . You should know.”
I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. Damn. Right at Thanksgiving. She loved Thanksgiving. “How is she?” I asked. I knew nothing and that only hurt worse. I wanted to know. I wanted to know how she dealt with her dad slowly dying in front of her. Did she have a shoulder to cry on? Did she need me? Did she even think of me?
“Jeremy said she’d been prepared for it. They had a Hospice nurse at the house with them. She got to spend a lot of time with him in the end.”
“When’s the funeral?” I asked, standing up. She wouldn’t want to see me. But how could I not go? I’d let her deal with this all alone, but I had to go to the funeral. He’d been a good man. He’d given me a chance when no one else wanted to.
“Saturday. Eva wanted to wait until after Thanksgiving. It’s a closed casket.”
I had to go. Even if she didn’t want me there. I had to go. She may not want me there, but, dammit, I’d given her what she wanted and it wasn’t getting any easier. My life was nothing. Meant nothing.
“Can I stay with you?” I didn’t have to explain to Low what I needed. She knew I couldn’t walk into that apartment I’d shared with Eva. With her piano now gone, it would feel haunted. She’d really be gone. I couldn’t.
“Of course. Drive careful.”
“See you Saturday,” I replied. I couldn’t go any earlier. I needed time to prepare myself for seeing her. Having my friends ask me a million questions about life since I’d checked out on them this summer wasn’t something I was up for.
My phone rang again and I looked down at it to see Low’s name again.
“I haven’t changed my mind,” I told her.
“I didn’t tell you one more thing that Jeremy told me. I wasn’t going to, but Marcus is making me call you back and tell you. He said you needed to know before you came.”