I wasn’t surprised that Marcus wasn’t too far from her. I was glad. Once that had pissed me off. Now it made Low one less thing I had to worry about.
She sat down on the chair she’d been in and propped her feet back up on the ottoman. “So talk to me. You won’t talk to me on the phone. I only know bits and pieces from the short conversations we’ve had. I need to know what the hell is going on with you.”
I didn’t want to talk about this. Not even with Low. I hadn’t talked about it with anyone. I shook my head and turned away from her and stared out the window. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Low let out a disbelieving laugh. “Uh, no. That’s bullshit. You won’t come home and Eva’s daddy is dying. Something is seriously wrong. I want to know what. So talk or send me into an early labor.”
Maybe if I talked about it, my chest wouldn’t hurt so bad. Maybe I’d be able to close my eyes at night and not see Eva bent over, throwing up, about what she saw. Pictures I’d never seen. Ones I never wanted to see. They would be the end of me. I couldn’t deal with them.
“I f**ked up. I let people in I shouldn’t. I trusted the wrong people and got screwed over,” I said, sitting down on the sofa and finally meeting Low’s concerned gaze.
“Explain that. Because you can’t be talking about Eva being the wrong people,” she said with a cocked eyebrow. She was going to defend Eva to the end. I loved her for that.
“No not. . . not her.” I still couldn’t say her name, dammit. I wanted to say her name. I wanted to feel it on my lips. But I couldn’t. It tore my chest back open if I even tried.
“Then who?”
“The guy I was rooming with when I first got here. That’s who. He was the pitcher. The star pitcher. He wanted the big leagues. He had his eye on the prize, and he was worried about me taking away his game. So he set me up, hoping to send me running home. He. . . he f**ked it all up. He took away my life. So I took away his. Doesn’t feel better. But seeing his face as I pitch a perfect game while he sits on the bench feels good. For a moment. It’s a fleeting moment.”
Low dropped her feet to the floor and leaned forward. “What did he do to set you up?”
“He has a f**k buddy. Some whore who sleeps with the team for fun. He took photos of me that were completely misconstrued and then he had her kiss me out of f**king nowhere and got a picture of that. I shoved her ass off and got away from her, but not before he snapped a photo that I didn’t know he was taking. Then they drugged my beer. Got me making out with her on video. Then took a photo of us naked in bed.” I swallowed hard. Saying the next part was the hardest part. “Then. . . They. . . They sent it to. . . her.”
Low’s gasp as she covered her mouth was followed by a “Holy shit”.
“Yeah. She saw it all.”
“Ohmygod. Why would they? That’s horrible, Cage! Did you tell the authorities? Have them arrested?”
I shook my head. “No. That’s too easy. I wanted to make them pay. I wanted revenge. An eye for a f**king eye.”
“How do you know it was her? Or that roommate of yours?”
I closed my eyes, trying to fight back that morning and the memories that went with it. I didn’t want to remember Eva’s words to me. Those were the hardest. “He told me. He was sitting on the couch after it all went down. Jeremy calling me and everything.” I wouldn’t replay that part for her. “Ace was waiting on me on the couch. He was smirking at me. He said to have a nice trip home. Was sorry I couldn’t stick around. It all started coming together for me. He was the pitcher. I asked him if he knew about this and he said he’d orchestrated it all. He found my weakness and he’d used it against me.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “He didn’t realize how successfully he’d destroyed my world. The only thing he said that morning that I keep reminding myself over and over again was that I didn’t sleep with the girl. It was all set up. I did make out with her against a pool table with a crowd of witnesses. But according to other guys on the team, I was calling her. . . Eva. I didn’t know what the f**k I was doing. Even in my drugged-up state, I thought I was with Eva. I wasn’t cheating in my head. I didn’t know.” My chest hurt, but hearing her name on my lips eased some pain.
Low let out a breath she’d been holding. “Oh God, Cage. Have you explained this to Eva?”
I shook my head. “I can’t. She. . . She told me it was over. She didn’t let me explain. She told me I was her biggest mistake.”
“But, Cage, she was hurting! She had just seen something that destroyed her. I can’t imagine seeing Marcus like that with another girl. It would kill me. She is dealing with the pain of her daddy dying and then this. Of course she wanted to hurt you because she was hurting. It’s been weeks now. Call her. Go see her.”
I couldn’t. She hadn’t called. She hadn’t tried to contact me once. She hadn’t trusted me enough. Wasn’t trust part of love? She believed I didn’t love her, but she sure didn’t give me a chance to say anything.
“She didn’t trust me.”
Low reached over and took my hand in hers. “She was hurting.”
“She didn’t trust me. How can she love me if she doesn’t trust me?” I shook my head and stood up. “I can’t, Low. She closed the door. She ended this. She didn’t listen to me. She didn’t give me a chance.” I wanted to shut up. I wanted to stop talking, but my mouth kept going. “I believe she wanted out. I believe she saw how short life was with her daddy and she realized I wasn’t what she wanted in life. Not me. I wasn’t enough. So she took this excuse and she used it. If she’d wanted me, she would have fought for me. She would have wanted me to tell her this wasn’t real. She would have f**king believed me.”
Low sat there looking up at me with sad eyes, but she finally nodded and stood up. “Okay. I think you’re wrong, but I also know you’re hurting. I just hope you don’t wait too long.”
“She didn’t fight for me,” I repeated. For myself more than Low.
Low walked over and threaded her fingers through mine. “You didn’t fight for her either. Eva isn’t like your momma, Cage. Eva didn’t up and leave you alone because she just didn’t give a shit. She was destroyed. Sometimes you have to trust that you’re worth it and you have to fight for what you want. Eva is what you want. You know that and I know that. Anyone with eyes knows that.”
Low didn’t understand. No one did. No one had heard her tell me I was her biggest mistake. The cold, even tone in her voice. She’d meant it. Just like my momma had when she’d called me her biggest mistake, she’d meant it.
How could I fight for someone who didn’t want me?