about being so wrong or so ashamed of his own short-sightedness. He was naïve to think the bodyguards were dispensable and never conceived how much risk they undertook. He would never complain about his privacy being intruded upon again.
Never mind that Eric James was the only one that Jim liked out of the bunch. Eric was easy to be around. Calm, cool, funny and he made Kathy relax. There was a distinct difference in Kathy when Eric was near.
Jim noticed it awhile ago. Without diving deeply into what it might mean or fully defining it, Jim simply ignored it like anything else he considered too rooted in emotional ambiguity or confusion. Jim preferred to read books, scripture, science, and all the things that were based on facts and logic. Even faith for him was logical. That set of beliefs never changed. Meanwhile, human emotions switched from breakfast to lunch and then back again before dinner. That was what Jim couldn’t handle.
They waited. Kathy paced and spoke softly to her family. Jim glanced sharply to his right when a body thudded down in the chair beside him.
Damn it. Not anyone he needed to see right now.
Kayla.
“You okay?”
He snorted as he gave her a side-glare, feeling a bit of a relief to do so. If any other warm body sat down beside him, he’d have given them a reserved, kind smile and said yes.
Even Kathy.
But Kayla? With her, he didn’t have to do that.
He had no idea why. He just didn’t.
Snarling, he said, “No. I was almost shot today. And another man is in the hospital because of me.”
Kayla rarely said anything kind or friendly or sympathetic to him so when she simply nodded and said, “I’m sorry. That was horrifying. For all of us. But you, especially, facing the shooter, and… You saw him?”
“Every blessed moment.”
“Yeah. I feared that.” She didn’t try to smooth it over or fix it. Instead, her expression twisted her mouth with concern, and she just sat there. Beside him as if she expected nothing. Not a damn thing from him. Not even a prayer. Or advice. Or an ambiguous statement to explain the unexplainable. No comforting words. No sympathetic aphorisms. Nothing. Kayla didn’t want those things from him.
And because she did not want any of those things, it was the first time in a very long time that Jim had to get those things from someone else.
He hated himself for his weakness.
Jerking to attention, and suddenly acting like a rod was rammed into his spine, Jim stood. No. He couldn’t be comforted by Kayla. It should have been Kathy. Yes.
But it was never Kathy.
Jim liked Kathy so much and he respected her more than everyone. Especially more than Kayla. Kathy was so good. No one was as genuinely good as Kathy Randall. Jim saw it the first time he ever spoke to her. That truth never once wavered in all their times together. But crap. She was impossible to tempt or persuade although she didn’t have to work at it, and it didn’t seem to stress or confuse her.
Not like Jim.
So how could he share his doubts, stress, issues, or dark thoughts with her and ask her advice on how to deal with those things? He couldn’t. Kayla, however, allowed him to be imperfect because she saw him that way. That was messed up. He couldn’t fall into that. He shouldn’t find comfort with her, of all people.
Rubbing his eyes, which were aching, he tried to shake the annoying thoughts away. They didn’t matter now. Not here of all times. The waiting room of a hospital where the man who took a bullet for him was receiving emergency surgery.
Kayla rose to join her family who circled around Kathy. They hugged and talked and comforted each other in the glow of familial love.
Whenever they did that, showing their love for each other, Jim was excluded. He didn’t know how to fit in. He never saw a family share affection and love so easily, giving it so unconditionally. It wasn’t something he ever experienced. The intensity of it heightened his discomfort in their presence because he wasn’t included. It made him feel slightly hurt that he was her fiancé but not good enough to be part of the family. But he also knew why he could not join their family. There was no easiness between him and Rob. No friendliness. No back and forth. And Kathy’s mom, Rebecca, wasn’t much better. They exchanged a few painfully polite and